From the Beginning to the End
by terriblegrace
Summary: Casey returns home after being away for four years, and she finds that everything has changed while she's been gone.
1. All Those Days Are Gone

_Part One: All Those Days Are Gone_

Casey Macdonald stared at herself long and hard in the bathroom mirror. The arduous day was causing her mascara to run, and her lipstick had smeared off long ago before noon. It had been a terrible day at work. She lost the account she had been working on for months, and it was handed over to one of her colleagues.

"You're just not focusing on the client's needs," her boss had explained after he had summoned her into his office and not even gestured for her to sit down, "Take some time off. Take care of whatever it is that's got you anxious. Come back in the New Year and remind us why it is we hired you."

Turning the water on, she let it warm slightly before she bent down to splash a handful onto her face. Pulling the towel off of its rod, she dabbed her face. The harsh lights above made her look horrible. She scowled at herself before carefully wiping up the water that had splashed onto the counter around her sink. She methodically folded the towel back up and slipped it back onto the rod.

She kicked off her heels and fell onto her sofa. Glancing around her apartment, she noticed how empty it was. She thought she had everything, until now. Sure, there was this great apartment in Manhattan, miles away from everybody in Canada. It had a huge television, great art, and a wonderful view of the city. And yeah, there was her terrific job with flexible hours and a sympathetic boss. There were the amazing friends she had made ever since she came here.

But now, she felt as if she had nothing. There was something missing inside, and she couldn't figure out what it was. Ever since she left home four years ago, this feeling had slowly been growing. She flew home every few months, and was always there for major holidays. It was amazing to go back and see how much everybody was changing. Marti was about to go into junior high. Lizzie and Edwin were getting ready to be seniors in high school.

And Derek was about to get married.

She couldn't imagine how _that_ had happened. The last she had heard from Nora and George was that he was working at some warehouse a few towns over, loading and unloading trucks all the time. They hadn't seen each other since she left. If the family flew out to see her, he never came. When she went home, she could only ever stay for a few nights at a time and he was always at his new place. On holidays, he was spending time with his new girlfriend's family, and each family was different every year.

No, Casey hadn't seen Derek Venturi in four years. She graduated from high school, moved to the States, and started college. Now, here she was in the seventh month of an amazing job in Manhattan. She frowned when she remembered just how it had been when she left.

_Nora and George were tearful, hugging her over and over again and telling her to call every day. Lizzie had hugged her and asked her shyly if she could have the comforter off of her bed. Casey had smiled and told her yes. Edwin gave her the facts about Manhattan; the people, the places, the food, the job market. She was quite impressed with his little presentation, and gratefully thanked him for it. Marti just clutched her neck and said happily,_

"_Now you don't have to worry about babysitting me anymore!"_

_Casey managed a smile, but those words broke her heart. At that moment, when she was just about to leave, she would have babysat Marti every night for the rest of her life rather than get on the plane. But, she had made her choices, and she had convinced herself that they were the right ones._

_Derek was there, too. The last time she had seen him. He stood with his hands shoved in his pockets, head down the whole time. _

"_Goodbye, Derek," Casey had said, sticking out her hand._

_He regarded her hand carefully before finally relenting and sticking his hand out as well. They shook, and he said nothing. So, Casey bid them farewell, picked up her bag and started for the gate. Her family paused a moment before turning to leave. She stood in line nervously for several seconds, tapping her boarding pass on her open palm and humming to herself. She always hummed when she was anxious._

_Feeling a hand on her arm, she turned around, startled._

_It was Derek. _

_Before she knew what was happening, he pulled her in for a hug. Shocked, she couldn't think of what to do. Derek had never hugged her before. Not like this. Cautiously, she put her arms around his neck. Gently, he stroked her hair._

"_I'm going to miss you," he said._

_He said the words so quietly she almost didn't hear them. In fact, in that split second she analyzed those words a thousand times. She was so stunned; she couldn't believe that he had said it. _

"_I'm going to miss you, too," she replied dumbly._

_He let go, pulling back to stare into her eyes. There was a look there that she had never seen before. Perhaps it had always been there and she had just never taken the time to notice it. For the last few years, she had done a pretty good job at ignoring Derek and everything about him._

_But those eyes stared at her with a growing intensity. It was almost as if he were pleading with her. With his eyes, he was begging her not to leave. He had seemed so distant earlier, when everybody else was around. Actually, he had been quite distant from her since the moment she told everybody she was going to college in the States. He hadn't even fought with her those last few weeks._

_And there it was. That flicker in his eyes that warned her he was about to kiss her. Time seemed to slow in that moment as he leaned in towards her. And she hadn't even realized until then that she had been waiting for this her whole life._

"_Excuse me, miss?"_

_They both pulled back, unaware that there were actually other living, breathing human beings around. It took Casey a moment to realize that she was standing in line to get on a plane that would lead hundreds of miles away from here. From this moment. _

_From Derek._

_She turned to see that there was a large gap between her and the gate, where everybody in front of her had already filed through. Embarrassed, she grabbed her bag from beside her feet and hurried up to hand the lady her ticket. The woman passed it under a flicker of red light, and smiled, handing it back. _

"_Derek, I-" Casey began._

_But when she turned around, he was gone. _

That was four years ago.

Glancing over at her answering message on the table next to the sofa, she gingerly pressed the play button and awaited that familiar message.

"Casey, it's Mom. We have some wonderful new. Derek's getting married! They haven't set a date yet, but Jennifer said yes last night. Just thought you'd like to know," her mother said, "We're looking forward to seeing you at Christmas. Derek will be here with Jennifer this year. Talk to you later."

The machine clicked off and she sighed. She hadn't even realized that Derek was getting serious with anybody named Jennifer. Her mother had left that message two weeks ago and she still hadn't returned her call.

Christmas was less than a week away. She needed to do her shopping, but lately she hadn't been interested in doing much of anything. Her clients? They could wait. Her friends? Didn't feel like seeing them.

But her family? How could she ever be indifferent to them? She couldn't. Standing, she went to her kitchen counter where her plane ticket was. She pulled it out of the envelope she had put it in, staring at it. Her flight was tomorrow.

There was no escaping it; the words were there on the ticket, hard and black.

She was going home.

* * *

Casey tried her best to pack quickly that night. Her flight left at eight the next morning, so she had to be at the airport no later than seven. There would be no time for last minute additions to her luggage. Picking through her closet, she pulled out a few sweaters and a couple of pairs of jeans. Deciding that her mother and George would probably throw a big Christmas party this year, what with Derek and his new fiancée Jennifer being there, she pulled out some more formal pieces.

She scrutinized the pant suit that she had bought recently. It was probably too professional. Hanging it neatly back up, she pulled out a blazer that she had worn to her job interview. Shaking her head, she decided that would be inappropriate as well. Then, she pulled out a skirt and blouse that she had been wearing when she scored her first account.

_I wonder if Derek will like this,_ she thought to herself before she even had time to realize what it was she was thinking.

She shook her head. What did she care? But, she carefully tucked it away in her suitcase. After folding and packing everything neatly, she sat down at her desk and pulled out a sheet of paper. She was determined to figure out what she was going to get everybody for the holidays before she could get home and lose track of time.

"What to get…what to get…" she mumbled, tapping her pencil against the desk.

After struggling for a few moments with what the perfect gifts were, she realized that she had no idea. It wasn't so much that she couldn't concentrate, but more that she had lost touch with everybody lately. Especially now that she was out of school and at her first real job. She couldn't tell you what Lizzie liked now, or what Edwin thought was cool. Even getting Marti something would be a shot in the dark.

"This is ridiculous," Casey said, crumpling up the piece of paper and shoving it into the wastebasket beside the desk.

Glancing at her watch, she decided to finally call her mother. They weren't expecting her. Well, they were anticipating that she would come home for the holidays, but they probably didn't realize it would be this soon before. Usually, she scooted in on Christmas Eve and was gone on the 26th. Picking up the phone, she punched in that familiar number.

"Hello?" her mother asked, after it rang several times.

"Hey mom," she replied.

"Casey!" her mother exclaimed, "You didn't return my call! Did you get my message? Did you get the news about Derek?"

Casey swallowed the lump in her throat that had been steadily forming since the ringing in her ear began. Fiddling with the phone cord, she decided to just take a deep breath and relax.

"Yeah," she said, grinning as if her mother could see her, but to her, it just made her feel less fake, "Great news."

"Derek and Jennifer have been dating for five months. They're adorable, really," her mother gushed, "They're going to be staying with us over the holidays. It'll be just like it used to be."

Casey heard the nostalgia in her mother's voice. It made her wince. However, she couldn't imagine what it would be like living with her family again for the next three weeks. Her boss had told her to come back after the New Year, so she planned on staying in Canada as a retreat. But, now with Derek and his soon-to-be bride staying there as well, she wasn't so sure she would make it past Christmas.

"That's great," Casey replied, "But, um, I was just calling to let you know that I'll be there tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" her mother gasped, "So soon? I mean, not that I won't be ecstatic to see you. I haven't cleaned or bought any groceries or anything yet."

Casey smiled to herself, "I'm not a stranger, you know. I've seen the house filthy and foodless before."

Nora let out a little laugh, "I suppose that's true. It's just that, we'll all be so happy to see you, Lizzie especially. She misses you a lot, you know. You haven't been home in a while."

"I know," Casey said, "I've just been really busy."

"I'm not trying to make you feel guilty or anything," her mother quickly clarified, "Well, it doesn't matter now, does it? You're coming home tomorrow, and that's all that matters."

Casey heard the faint ringing of the doorbell in the background, and Nora yelled for George to go answer it. There was a long pause as her mother lost her concentration with conversation and started to speculate over who could be at the door.

"Derek!" Casey heard Marti's happy voice, and she grimaced slightly.

_It should be Smerek,_ Casey thought bitterly.

"Oh, Derek's here," Nora said, "And he's brought Jennifer with him."

Casey felt her heart do a strange thing. She couldn't describe it, but she knew that it hurt. She tried to picture what Jennifer looked like; she was probably tall, blond, and perfect in every way. Jennifer probably laughed at Derek's stupid jokes and flipped her hair at all of the right times. She probably loved to go to hockey games and preferred to watch the movie instead of read the book. She probably let Derek win every argument they ever had.

She was probably everything that Casey was not.

"Who's that?" she heard Derek ask in the background.

"Casey," Nora replied.

Casey couldn't hear Derek say anything more. All she heard was Marti chattering to _Derek_ about snow angels and hot cocoa and how many more days were left until Christmas and ham and being out of school and-

Marti's incessant ramblings were cut off when Nora finally spoke up again,

"I hate to let you go, since we haven't talked in forever. But, I'd better see why Derek's here. We'll have plenty of time to talk when you get here tomorrow, right?"

"Of course," Casey said, mechanically and routinely.

"I love you, Casey," her mother said sincerely.

"I love you, too, mom," Casey replied.

She hung up the phone, feeling that lingering dread inside of her that she always felt when she was about to do something she didn't want to do.


	2. I've Been Too Far Away

_Part Two: I've Been Too Far Away_

The plane ride was making her sick. It was everything that Casey could do to keep from completely locking herself in the tiny bathroom stall the entire trip. Fumbling through her purse, she took a couple of aspirin and went back to her seat. The guy beside her tried to lock eyes with her as she sat down, but she refused to let him.

There were only so many times, in so many words, a guy could try to find out about her marital status. And there were only so many times, in so many words, she could politely avoid the question.

Settling in, Casey pulled the in-flight magazine out of the pouch on the back of the seat in front of her. She absently flipped through it a few times as she waited for the aspirin to kick in. There were pictures of smiling flight attendants talking about the latest services their airline was providing. A captain stood smiling on the next page, his hat under his arm. Growing tired of seeing all of these perky people, she shoved the magazine back into its proper place.

The flight attendant came by at that moment, smiling down at her. Casey felt as if she were stuck in a terribly happy bubble that she couldn't get out of. Literally, the only direction to go would be down. She declined the peanuts, but gratefully took the cup of diet soda. She sipped on it slowly.

The aching in her head and the queasiness in her stomach was finally subsiding. Turning to the window, she glanced out at the scene below. There were lots of trees, tall and pointy and bare. The winding roads looked like ribbons curling about. She sighed, leaning her head back against the headrest.

"You flying on business?" the guy beside her asked.

She could have told him to leave her alone. She could have told him that she wasn't in the mood to talk. _I'm not interested, _Casey wanted to say, _Because you're two decades older than me, and you have a wedding band on your finger._

"No," she said instead.

"Home?" he continued.

She nodded, taking a sip of her diet soda. Honestly, she didn't want to talk to him anymore. But she figured that he was lonely. And she couldn't completely dislike people who were lonely. It was like disowning your own species.

"I'm on a business trip," he said, "I'm a financial advisor. What about you?"

"I'm in advertising," she replied.

"Big accounts?" he asked.

She shrugged, "A few. I'm on a break right now, for the holidays. You're not getting the holidays off?"

"As you get older, they become less important," he replied, sighing dramatically as if he had just given her the best piece of advice she would ever get, "You start to realize that year after year, they don't change. Parties. Gifts. Bullshit. You know, just different people every now and then."

"Sounds cynical," Casey smiled.

"May be," he replied, "But you go through two divorces, three children, and six jobs. Tell me how you feel when you're my age."

"I didn't mean to sound rude," she instantly corrected, "I was just-"

"Still hopeful," he smiled, "I know. I was when I was your age, too."

He closed his eyes and leaned his head back. She looked at him hard for another second or two before turning back to the window.

Casey promised herself at that moment that she would never let herself wind up like him.

Alone, and trying to make friends on airplanes right before the holidays.

* * *

Derek was steadily unloading the large truck that had pulled up to the warehouse a half hour ago. It was cold in the big, open space with the winter setting in fast. Sometimes he wished that he could fly south for the winter, like the birds, and just come back when it warmed. No matter how long he lived here, the cold always surprised him.

He reminded himself to get a new pair of work gloves. His usual pair had holes worn in them, and he had left them at home. He regretted the decision now. The hard cardboard boxes were digging into his palms. Glancing down at his hands, he saw the rough calluses and cuts that were already forming. Then, he saw the ones that had already been there.

His breath was coming in misty puffs. His layers of clothing were doing a poor job of protecting him from the cold. But, his steady movements of bending, lifting, and twisting were beginning to warm him up. If he could just work faster, then all of this cold would go away.

And so would the anticipation of seeing Casey.

"I'm so excited to meet your sister!" Jennifer had exclaimed the previous night on the sofa as they watched television.

"_Step_sister," Derek corrected her, punching this thumb violently on the remote buttons.

He couldn't imagine what she looked like now. Had she cut her long brown hair? He hoped not. Was she going to act all sophisticated now? He dreaded thinking about that. Would she remember that day at the airport? All he knew was that he did.

"Hey man, any big plans for the holidays?" his work buddy, Jeff, asked.

Derek took a break for a moment, sitting down a stack of boxes that he had been moving. It was almost time to go home for the day. He crossed his arms in front of him, trying to slow his heart rate, but wanting to warm his body nonetheless.

Derek shrugged, "Family stuff. You?"

"You sorry sap," Jeff replied, kicking at the stack of boxes that Derek was sitting on.

The kick jolted Derek a little, but he maintained his balance, shooting his friend a glare, "I'm guessing you have some great vacation planned, eh?"

"As a matter of fact," Jeff said cockily, "My girlfriend and I are going to Cancun."

"On a warehouse worker's salary?" Derek asked, uncrossing his arms and stuffing his hands in his coat pockets.

"On a girlfriend's lawyer father's salary," Jeff replied with a smile, "Just one of the perks of dating a rich girl."

Derek laughed slightly. Jeff was always dating girls who were rich. He would get free trips to Europe or Hawaii. Now, he was headed down to sunny Cancun for Christmas. Derek thought it must be exhausting living off of other people's money all of the time. It took so much effort to seek out the rich ones. Jeff had broken many a girl's hearts when he realized they made the same amount of money as he did.

"You're an ass, you know that?" Derek said.

Jeff shrugged, "But the ladies love me. And that's all that matters. So, are you and Jennifer going to your parents' place?"

"Yeah," Derek replied, "My stepsister's flying in from the States."

"Stepsister?" Jeff asked, intrigued, "You never told me that you had a stepsister. Is she hot?"

Derek felt flames growing inside of him. He felt them, literally in his stomach as it burned. He tried to brush the feeling aside, but he kept thinking about how Jeff was with women. Derek was determined to never let the two interact at all.

"She's off limits," Derek almost growled.

Jeff put up his hands innocently, "I get it. The whole brotherly love vibe and everything. It's cool. Besides, I have my own mini-version of Paris Hilton right now. Can't pass up a good thing."

Derek just shook his head, standing up. Jeff told him he would see him after the holidays, and then he split. Checking his watch, Derek realized there was only one more hour until the end of the day. Casey was probably already at the house. There was a strange flutter in his stomach when he thought about seeing her again. But there was work to be done, so he quickly focused back on his job.

* * *

"Casey! Oh my gosh! We're so glad you're here!" Nora gushed, pulling Casey's into the tightest hug she'd ever experienced, "When you missed Thanksgiving, we just weren't sure you were going to make it for the holidays. But, we're so glad you're here!"

Casey got the point. Everybody was glad she was here. And truthfully, looking at the house all decorated and cheerful, she kind of liked being back. Her apartment wasn't decorated at all. She hadn't even bothered getting a tree or buying those red and white Christmas candles that look like candy canes. Yup, her place was pretty much a complete void of any kind of holiday cheer.

But this house was just as she remembered it; the wreaths, the mistletoe, the giant tree in the corner. There were a few holidays lights up even, and they twinkled in some kind of strange rhythm. Casey noticed that Christmas music was playing softly from a stereo somewhere, and she smiled. They had probably put it on just for her arrival.

"Lizzie! Look at you!" Casey exclaimed, as her little sister came down the stairs.

Lizzie's hair was now past her shoulders, long and shimmering. She had filled out nicely, and was probably the prettiest girl in school, Casey decided. Lizzie gave her a shy hug, and Casey put her hands on her little sister's shoulders to examine her.

"Your hair is so beautiful," Casey said, "And you got your braces off! Two years?"

"It was absolute torture," Lizzie said, "I'm just glad I don't have to go through my senior year of high school with them on."

"You have a boyfriend?" Casey asked, eyeing her sister.

Lizzie blushed, "No."

"I can't imagine why not," she replied.

Edwin heard all of the commotion from downstairs and came out of his room. He trotted down the stairs and saw Casey gawking at Lizzie. At the sound of him on the stairs, Casey turned and saw him.

"And Edwin!" she exclaimed, coming to him.

He hugged her back when she pulled him in for a tight, restricting hug. She did the same thing she did to Lizzie, putting her hands on his shoulders in order to examine him more closely, like she was a scientist looking through a microscope at him.

"You've gotten so handsome," she said.

He laughed, "You don't come home for a year, and you think we've all changed so much!"

Casey smiled, "I didn't think I was going to be away for so long. What, with graduating in the Spring and getting that job. I was swamped."

"It's okay, we forgive you," Lizzie smiled.

Marti came into the room at that moment, and Casey nearly choked. When she had left last Christmas, Marti had still looked like Marti. Now, she was beginning to grow up. She had grown probably two inches, and her hair was longer and combed. Marti rushed to give her a hug.

"Casey!" she exclaimed, wrapping her arms around Casey's neck.

"Hey, kidd-o," Casey replied, "How old are you now? Fifteen?"

Marti smiled "Ten."

"Well, close enough," Casey replied, "Are you looking forward to junior high next year?"

Marti nodded vigorously, "I can't wait."

It was so great being back, Casey decided. No matter how long she was away, whenever she came back, she felt like she belonged. And even though they had had rough times as a family when she was growing up, they were the best family a girl could wish for. Casey glanced around and noticed that George was absent.

"Where's George?" she asked.

Nora checked her watch, "Grabbing some late lunch. I'm sorry. I know it's your first day home, but I just didn't have the energy to cook."

Casey smiled, "It's okay, mom. I'll survive. I live off of Chow mein and Lean Cuisines. Anything will do."

Nora grabbed up her daughter's duffel bag, and Casey picked up her large suitcase. They both headed upstairs to Casey's old room. Nora flipped on the light and pushed open the door. Everything was just as she had left it last Christmas. Actually, everything was just as she had left it four years ago. Except, of course, there was a new comforter on the bed since Lizzie had taken the old one.

Casey got this queasy feeling in her stomach. It was the distinct feeling that she was an adult now. She was never going to be a carefree child again, no matter how much she willed time to turn back. It was a terrible feeling in a way, but sometimes it also excited her. Right now, it just scared her.

"I don't think we'll ever have the heart to change your room," Nora said, as if reading her daughter's mind.

Nora slung the duffel bag onto Casey's bed, and her fingers lingered on the soft cotton sheets. Casey noticed at that moment that her mother was beginning to look old. There were gray patches of hair right around her temples, and the skin beneath her eyes was beginning to sag. But, she still look beautiful no matter what. Casey wondered if she looked different, too. Was everybody looking at her and noticing every little change?

"I appreciate that," Casey said, sitting on the edge of her bed.

Nora noticed the hint of sadness in Casey's voice, and sat down beside her, putting her arm around her and pulling her in for a half-hug.

"I know I keep saying this, but we're so glad you're here," Nora said, "No holiday is ever quite right without you here. We love you so much."

Casey smiled while trying to bite back tears, "I love you guys."

* * *

George returned with bags full of food. He gave his stepdaughter a quick hug, complimenting how grown up she looked. It was funny how Casey had felt grown up since the moment she left the house, but everybody was only starting to notice it now. Perhaps she hadn't become an adult as quickly as she thought she had. She helped to set the table and they all sat down to eat.

"I bet you guys are glad that school is out," Casey said.

"You wouldn't believe how much work they give us nowadays!" Lizzie exclaimed, "It's insane."

"It's not _that_ bad," Edwin replied.

"What about you, Marti?" Casey asked, shoveling some potatoes onto her plate.

"I miss school!" Marti chirped, "It's fun."

Lizzie rolled her eyes in response, and Casey laughed. For a few moments, everyone was silent as they packed chicken and potatoes and green beans onto their plates. The food felt so good, and Casey didn't realize how hungry she was until she took the first bite. She hadn't eaten since last night. It was now just after two in the afternoon.

"I'm sure you're glad to be off work for the holidays," Nora finally said.

"Yes I am," Casey said, "I haven't missed a day since I started."

"Figures," Edwin muttered playfully.

Casey noticed that the older the kids got, the more lively and easygoing they were. She had yet to hear any arguments or even playful disruptions. Sure, they were all pretty much past the age where petty arguments seemed to rule the day, but it still amazed her. She wasn't sure she missed it as much as she did everything else. It was kind of nice.

There was a sharp feeling in the pit of her stomach as she realized why everything seemed so nice. Now, sitting at the old familiar dining room table, she noticed that Derek was missing. In all of the commotion upon arriving, she had almost forgotten that he was even part of the family. She couldn't help but think about how much different he would be. No more leather jacket. No more smug smirks. No more arguing with her or wrestling the remote out of her hands. That was what she would miss most of all.

"How long are you planning on staying?" George asked, interrupting her from her thoughts.

Casey shrugged, "I'm not really sure. My boss is kind of liberal when it comes to holiday vacation time, so I guess it just depends…"

She drifted, but in her mind, she finished the sentence.

_It depends on if I feel too awkward with Derek around_, she thought.

"Well, you know you can stay as long as you want," Nora pointed out, "This will always be your home."

"I know, Mom," Casey replied, giving her mother a sincere smile before taking another bite.

Casey lifted the glass of cool water to her lips. It fell smooth and cool as it dripped down her throat. She was so used to drinking diet sodas or lattes, that she had forgotten how much she missed the taste of clean, Canadian water. Nowhere in Manhattan would she be able to get water like that.

"When are Derek and Jennifer coming over?" Marti asked.

Casey nearly spit her water out everywhere. She tried her best to swallow it down and wipe off the few drops on her chin that had escaped from her lips. Picking up her napkin, she dabbed at her face. Glancing around, she doubted that anybody noticed.

"They'll be here for dinner," Nora replied, looking at her watch, then glancing over at Casey, "We were all going to go out to eat. I hope that's okay. It'll give you a chance to get to know Jennifer."

"You'll really like her," Marti said, "She's cool."

Casey feigned a smile, but inside she was shaking. It was too soon to see Derek. Even after waiting four years, it was too soon. But even worse, she couldn't bear to see him with someone else. She couldn't imagine what kind of pain she would feel inside when she laid eyes on the girl that he was going to marry.

The girl that he had chosen over her.


	3. Drifting Away From Me

_Part Three: Drifting Away From Me_

Casey put on her skirt and blouse that she had packed away the night before her flight. Looking at herself in the mirror for several moments, she decided it was a good thing that she had chosen to bring this outfit rather than any of the other ones. It didn't make her seem so desperate to make an impression. She pulled her hair back into a high ponytail and took a deep breath.

_It's not as if it matters what you look like_, Casey reminded herself.

Derek was engaged. He was engaged. He had a fiancée.

No matter how many times or different ways she said it, Casey still found it absolutely unbelievable. Every time she thought about it, the knot in her stomach tightened more and more.

And she wasn't even sure why. She had gone to Manhattan and dated a few guys. Derek had probably met a girl the moment her plane left the ground four years ago. They had never been together. Even if she would have stayed, they probably never would have pursued a relationship.

But, then, what about the almost-kiss at the airport? It was a silly thing to think about. Perhaps she wasn't so much upset about the fact that he was getting married. Maybe it was more that he hadn't tried more with her. If he had come after her, or asked her to stay, then maybe things would be different.

There was a small knock on her door, and her mother poked her head in.

"We're getting ready to leave," she said, then smiled at her daughter's appearance, swinging the door open further so she could step inside, "You look nice."

"Thanks," Casey replied, going to her dresser.

She picked up a pair of earrings and concentrated on her image in the mirror as she put them on. Her hand was shaking slightly, and she hoped that her mother didn't notice.

"All ready," Casey said, turning to face her mother.

They both left her bedroom and headed down the stairs. Everybody was piling into the minivan. A feeling of nostalgia washed over her at that moment as she thought about how many times she had walked outside and seen this same thing. Edwin, climbing in first so he could sit by the window. Lizzie, going in next so she could sit by him. Marti, whining because she couldn't sit by the window, and then being calmed by George before finally settling beside Lizzie.

About halfway through the ride to the restaurant, just when Casey thought she couldn't think about the situation enough, Marti turned to her.

"Jennifer's really pretty," Marti said, "She takes me to the movies sometimes."

"That's nice," Casey replied, not wanting to sound rude, but not wanting her heart to break any more.

_Do you remember all of the things I did for you, Marti?_ Casey thought bitterly.

Automatically, Casey regretted all of the terrible things she was thinking. It wasn't Marti's fault that Derek was getting married. And it wasn't Jennifer's fault for accepting Derek's marriage proposal. But, there was still something inside of Casey that made her hate Derek's fiancée, and she hadn't even met her yet.

"And she works at a dentist's office," Marti continued, "She answers the phones. Sometimes she calls us while she's working and talks to us."

"How responsible," Casey muttered, and was relieved when nobody heard or noticed.

"Jennifer wants to be a dental hygienist," Nora clarified, twisting in her seat to talk to Casey, "She's going to go to school as soon as she gets the money. And she only calls on her breaks, when she's off the clock."

Casey found it funny that Nora seemed to be sticking up for Jennifer. She wondered if it was because she was here. Did they try to make her sound so wonderful when Casey wasn't around? She shifted uncomfortably, tugging at her skirt.

It was at the moment that Casey began to wonder long the ride would take that George pulled into a restaurant parking lot. That was when she saw him. There he was, leaning against the side of a red car that she had never seen before. She couldn't breathe for a few moments.

He looked good.

Her eyes shifted to the person beside him. Casey had been right. Blond. Tall. Gorgeous. Jennifer still looked beautiful, even though it was freezing outside, and her nose was probably the shade of Rudolph's. Casey was sure that her body was perfect, even though she was wrapped in four layers of clothing. She shuddered when she thought about all of the things that Derek had done to that body.

George parked, and everybody piled out of the minivan. Marti was the first out; she ran to Jennifer and gave her a nice, big hug. Casey felt insanely jealous. Lizzie hung back with Casey as Edwin went and shook Derek's hand.

"I don't really like her," Lizzie whispered.

"Why not?" Casey asked back.

Lizzie shrugged, "She's not you, I guess."

Casey felt her heart tighten. She felt so bad for being away for so long. Her eyes flickered upward and she caught Derek's gaze. She thought that he would look away, like people do when they get caught staring. But, his eyes remained level with hers. Her heart squeezed tightly in her chest.

"Oh my gosh! You must be the long lost sister!" Jennifer exclaimed, as Lizzie and Casey made their way to the group.

"_Step_sister," Derek mumbled, but nobody heard him.

Before Casey knew what was happening, Jennifer was pulling her into a tight hug. She didn't move to hug her back, just stood there with her arms to her side. Everybody noticed her discomfort besides Jennifer. Casey stole a glance at Derek, but he wasn't looking at her anymore.

"What do you say we go inside?" Nora spoke up, "I'm starving!"

They all followed her inside, mechanically, with Jennifer chatting to Casey. But everything was fuzzy and blurring in her mind. Casey couldn't hear a word anyone, much less Jennifer, was saying to her. All she could think about was Derek.

Derek was here. Derek looked gorgeous. Derek almost kissed her four years ago. Derek doesn't care anymore. Derek's getting married to-

_Jennifer._

That one word ceased all thoughts she had about Derek. They sat at a large table, with Derek, Jennifer, Marti, and Nora on one side and Edwin, Casey, George, and Lizzie on the other. Casey made sure that she sat away from the happily engaged couple. She had thought that maybe she was just being harsh about Jennifer. When she had heard of the engagement, Casey only disliked her because she was marrying Derek.

But now, after meeting her, Casey didn't feel bad about all of her harsh thoughts. She was exactly what she had expected. She had a hard time prying her eyes away from Derek, even though he wouldn't look back. Jennifer's hand was resting lightly on his thigh. Sometimes, when she was trying to make him smile, she would squeeze it. Thus far, Casey hadn't seen Derek smile at all.

"I'm so excited about the holidays this year," Jennifer commented, "This will be my first Christmas as an engaged woman!"

Everybody smiled politely at her.

"Would you want to be in the wedding?" Jennifer asked Casey bluntly.

All eyes were on her. She moved uncomfortably. Even Derek seemed a bit thrown by Jennifer's comment. He nervously scratched the side of his head, then cleared his throat.

"I'll have to check my schedule," Casey lied.

In all actuality, if Derek and Jennifer had announced they were getting married at that very instant, in this restaurant, and everybody thought that Casey would have no way of escaping it, she would find a way to disappear.

That was how badly she didn't want to be a part of this.

"Excuse me," Casey said, after they ordered their drinks.

She smiled at everybody apologetically before taking her napkin out of her lap and placing it on the tabletop. She could feel their eyes burning into her back as she rounded the corner to go to the restroom. It was there, in a bathroom stall at a neighborhood restaurant, that she lost it.

Casey cried softly. She wouldn't let herself dissolve completely into tears. But, she let a few fat ones fall before she recomposed herself. She ripped off a piece of toilet tissue and dabbed gently underneath her eyes. Taking a deep breath, she emerged from the stall and went to stand in front of the mirror. Besides the redness in her nose, nobody would know that she had been crying. She could always blame it on the cold.

Unnecessarily, she readjusted her skirt and blouse. What she was doing was stalling for time. It was inevitable, though. She was going to have to go out there and act complacent about the engagement. She was going to have to suffer through over an hour of Jennifer chatting incessantly. Slowly, she moved to the door.

Derek was standing there, waiting for her. She wanted to retreat back into the bathroom. Being alone with him this soon would be too much for her to handle. He seemed nervous.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," she replied.

There was a moment of awkward silence.

"Sorry about Jennifer," Derek said, "She talks too much when she first meets somebody."

"It's okay," she replied.

Casey realized she was being overly nice. Before she had left, if Derek was dating a girl that she didn't like, she would tell him. She would be sure to point out every flaw in the girl. But now, she supposed it wasn't the mature thing to do. Despite how many things she wanted to say about Jennifer.

"So, how was your trip?" Derek asked, wanting so badly to look into her eyes, but finding it hard to push his eyes up to meet hers.

"It was fine," she replied.

A lady came by at that moment, cutting between them. The moment was lost. It seemed that as that lady passed between them, whatever kind of conversation they could have had was lost.

"Well, it's good seeing you again," Derek commented before ducking into the men's room.

Casey watched as the door slowly shut behind him.

* * *

The rest of the night was somewhat of a disaster. It took forever for the food to come out, Marti complained the whole time about wanting to get a "grown-up" platter instead of a kid's meal, and Jennifer cried out when she thought there was a roach on her chicken, but Derek assured her that it was just a strange-looking, burnt mushroom.

All in all, Casey was glad when they left, and she was able to go back to the house and go to her room. While it was nice being around everybody again, she couldn't help but be excited to lie down in bed and have a few moments to herself. The phone rang, and without thinking, she moved to answer it. She forgot that this hadn't been her home for four years.

"Hello?" she said absently.

"Casey?" Derek said on the other end.

She shot up in bed, pushing her hair behind her ear as if he were standing right there, "Derek. I'll, um, get George for you."

"Wait," Derek said nervously, "Can I talk to you for a second before you get him?"

"Sure," she replied.

Why was it that she felt like a teenager again? How come she had never felt this fluttering in her stomach until now? She shook her head. That wasn't true. That day, four years ago at the airport, she had felt this feeling. Why was it coming back now?

"I just wanted to…I guess I was just wondering…" Derek began, "I mean, maybe we could, I don't know, get together sometime before Christmas. Just me and you. For old time's sake."

Casey's heart expanded, "Sure. For old time's sake."

Derek let out an internal sigh of relief. Ever since the moment he had seen her again, this familiar feeling of desperation had come back. For some reason, he couldn't get that day at the airport out of his head. Or the years before that day that he had spent keeping his secret.

"My last day of work is Thursday," he said, "Have you finished your shopping?"

"Surprisingly, no," Casey replied.

"We could go to the mall or something on Friday," Derek suggested, feeling like a young boy asking a girl out for the first time.

Except that this was Casey. And he was engaged to Jennifer. He was going to marry Jennifer. It was still strange thinking that he had finally committed.

"Sure," she replied.

"Okay," he said.

"Okay," she replied, "I'll get George for you."

She didn't wait for some other strange, awkward snippet of a comment. She just placed her hand over the receiver of the phone and called for George to answer it. She didn't say good-bye, either, as she listened to George say hello. Instead, she just hung up the phone and wondered what Friday was going to be like, and wishing it would come sooner.

* * *

That night in bed, Derek glanced over at Jennifer sleeping beside him. She was beautiful. He knew that. Hell, even _she_ knew that. When he had first met her at the bar on Lumpkin, her beautiful face had been what caught his eye. Her blond hair and white teeth and perfect body. She was gorgeous.

There was always something missing about her, though. It was the way she grew impatient with small children in department stores. It was the way she talked to her mother and father, as if they were stupid. It was the way she whined until she got what she wanted.

But he loved her. He wouldn't have asked her to marry him if he didn't. Sure, he had probably settled. But everybody did. There was always this ideal image of who a person thought they were going to marry in their head. Reality always changed that. You sacrificed certain things.

She stirred slightly in her sleep, mumbling something, and he pushed her hair off of her face and sighed. After seeing Casey tonight, he was bombarded with a sea of emotions. He thought about all of the things that he should have done.

Maybe he should have asked her not to go. Perhaps he should have gone after her. But, he could lie here all night wondering about what he should have done or what could have happened. But the simple truth was that this, right here, was the life he had chosen. Living in this one bedroom apartment with Jennifer and working at the warehouse down the street.

And Casey had chosen her life. Living in Manhattan in some fancy place, probably trying on guys like she did clothes. It made his stomach turn when he thought about all of the men that Casey had probably been with. It made him sad to think that it could have been him.

He shook his head, _I promised I wasn't going to do this after seeing her again. That I wasn't going to start thinking about her again._

But that was like telling him not to breathe.

It would never stop until he died.


	4. There You Go With Hope Again

_Part Four: There You Go With Hope Again_

Derek could hardly concentrate at work on Thursday. It was his last day of work before the holidays. He wouldn't have to go back until the day after New Year's. He had been working at this place for three years now, and had accumulated lots of vacation days. And now that Casey was here, and he had seen her again, he was using them all during her stay.

He couldn't believe that he had avoided seeing her all of these years. She had been back numerous times since she had first moved away. But, he had always found a reason to not go see her. He was busy. He had to work. It was always something.

"Hey man," Jeff said, approaching him.

Jeff handed Derek a clipboard. Derek flipped the top sheet up and scanned the next page.

"This the latest printout?" Derek asked.

"Straight from the printer," Jeff confirmed, "We just make sure these boxes are here, and we're out of here. Just think, in twenty-four hours, I'll be on a plane to sunny Mexico, and you'll be stuck here in the snow."

Derek glanced out large window of the warehouse. The sky was already turning that melancholy color it became when there was an impending blizzard. It was going to be a white Christmas. But, what year up here was it not a white Christmas?

"Well, I hope a hurricane comes and drowns your ass," Derek said as they moved to the large shelves.

They stopped in front of a shelf full of similarly labeled boxes, "Two-seven-one. Two-seven-two," Jeff read off, "You're just jealous because I am still a single man. I'll be hooking up with some sweet beach babes, and you'll be stuck here in the town of pasty faces."

Derek was checking off boxes on the clipboard, "I thought you were dating that rich girl. The Paris Hilton replica?"

"Dating is not the same thing as being engaged," Jeff reminded him, running his fingers down the length of boxes, "Two-seven-three. Two-seven-four. I can do a little venturing out when she's not around."

"I'm sure she doesn't look at it that way," Derek replied.

"You're such a girl," Jeff commented.

Derek glared at him, "No, I just know what commitment means."

"Oh, I know what it is. I'm just not interested in it," Jeff replied, "Two-seven-five. Hang on, where's number six?"

They both sighed, feeling that dread of having to stay late once again because of a misplaced box. Scanning the other boxes, Derek tapped his pen against one of them.

"Here it is. Just out of order," he replied, "So, you're telling me you would never settle down? Never get married?"

Jeff shook his head, "Nah. I'm a drifter. Can't stay in one place too long."

"Then why have you been working here for three years, bugging the shit out of me?" Derek asked.

"Because I'm secretly in love with you," Jeff joked, "Oh, Derek! Please, won't you run away with me?"

"I'm not rich," Derek reminded him.

Jeff thought about this for a minute, "You're also not a female."

"You would date a chimp, as long as it had money," Derek stated.

"Come on," Jeff protested, "Even I have morals. I would never date a chimp for its money. An ape maybe. But never a chimp."

Derek smirked, checking off a few more boxes, "You're missing out, man."

"On the chimps?" Jeff asked.

"On marriage," Derek corrected.

"Yeah," Jeff scoffed, "Get back to me in about five years when you have three screaming babies, and Jennifer has to wear a _wide load_ sign around her neck."

"You're so cynical," Derek replied.

"You're telling me that you're actually looking forward to this whole marriage thing? The whole join accounts at the bank? Taking the kids to hockey practice? Fighting over the remote?" Jeff asked.

"Yes," Derek reassured him, but even he could detect the hint of untruthfulness in his voice.

"Jennifer is _the one_?" Jeff continued, "She's the one that you want to live with for the rest of your life? You're completely sure about this?"

Derek couldn't help it. At that moment, it wasn't an image of Jennifer that popped into his mind.

It was an image of Casey.

Jeff noticed Derek's pause, "Hey man, I'm just messing with you. Jennifer's a great girl. Marriage won't be all that bad."

"Yeah," Derek replied, checking off the last item on the sheet, "And we're done."

"Thank God," Jeff said, "I'm getting tired of standing around here talking to your moping ass. Time to go pack!"

They both started for the exit. Derek put the clipboard back into the metal cabinet in the corner, shutting the two doors together, before grabbing his coat. Slipping it on, he pulled out his gloves from his coat pockets and put them on as well. He also pulled a ski hat out of his coat pocket and put it on, pulling it down over the tops of his ears.

"Have a good holiday," Derek said to Jeff.

"Yeah, man, you too," Jeff replied.

They went outside, closing and locking the door behind them. Derek anxiously made his way to his car.

The holidays had just begun.

* * *

"Hey Casey," Marti said, coming into Casey's bedroom, "Do you want to make reindeer cookies?"

Casey pried her eyes away from her laptop and smiled at Marti, "Sure. Can you give me just a second?"

Marti nodded, "I'll go ahead and preheat the oven."

"Sounds good," Casey said, "I'll be down in a second."

Casey turned her attention back the computer screen. She had just gotten an e-mail from her boss about a possible account opening up after the holidays. Some bigwig corporation in the paper industry. If she played her cards right, she just might be able to land the account.

That is, if she could get her mind off of certain other things. She had to admit, after hearing about Derek's engagement, she had been extremely distracted. Not just at work, but everywhere. She would be waiting in line at the coffee shop, start thinking about the engagement, snap back to reality, and forget where she was.

Casey decided that this trip home would be more than just a chance to see her family. It would be an opportunity to put Derek behind her. This wasn't going to affect her anymore. She would fly back to Manhattan with a clear head.

Shutting the top of her laptop, she went downstairs to the kitchen where Marti and Nora were busy pulling cookie dough out of the refrigerator.

"Have you been working during your vacation?" Nora playfully interrogated.

"No," Casey said, then glanced at Marti, "What would give you that idea? It wouldn't be a girl named Marti, would it?"

"No!" Marti replied, opening the package of dough.

"I'm not working. I promise," Casey said, "I was just checking my e-mail. Some big account might be coming in January, and my boss was just giving me the head's up."

"Head's up as in you might be the account coordinator?" Nora asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Perhaps," Casey replied, grabbing some cookie dough and absently pulling it apart.

"What's an account coordinator?" Marti asked.

"Basically, I run their account. I help give their company an advertising makeover," Casey replied, "We try to give them a fresh image. Get them into magazines. Redesign their logo. Whatever it is they want."

"Sounds cool," Marti commented.

"It is," Casey replied, "How many are we going to make?"

"Sixty," Marti replied, "That way we can each have ten apiece."

Nora smiled at Casey, "I think maybe we should make eighteen. That way we can have three apiece, and we can save some dough for later."

Marti shrugged, "If we have to."

Casey carefully placed the dough onto the cookie sheet, lining the little reindeer faces up in a row. She smiled. Edwin and Lizzie came in at that moment, shrugging off their large coats and turning to stare at the bleak sky before shutting the front door.

"How's it looking out there?" Nora asked.

"It's coming," Edwin replied, coming into the kitchen.

He reached for one of the pieces of dough on the cookie sheet and Marti slapped his hand. He pulled away, rubbing the top of his hand.

"Come on, just one?" he asked.

"You know the rules, Edwin," Casey smiled, "Besides, cookies are better baked."

Edwin shrugged, turning to leave the kitchen as Lizzie came in, flipping her long blond hair over her shoulder.

"Can I go to Jessica's tomorrow?" she asked, looking at Nora expectantly.

"For what?" Nora replied.

"For hanging out?" Lizzie said.

"If we're not completely snowed in," Nora said, pushing back the curtain over the kitchen sink window, "And the way it's looking right now, I'm guessing we probably will be."

"Let's hope not," Lizzie said, biting her lip and crossing her fingers hopefully, leaving the kitchen.

"What are your plans tomorrow?" Nora asked, "If there isn't a snowstorm?"

"Derek and I were going to go out," Casey replied.

Nora raised her eyebrow, "Really?"

"To finish up some Christmas shopping," Casey clarified, "To catch up and whatnot. You know Derek. We'll probably wind up fighting halfway through it all, and come home early."

Nora smiled at her daughter, "Derek's changed a lot. He's kept this job now for three years. He's starting to become more responsible. He's almost paid back all of the money we loaned him a few years ago. I think Jennifer's been a great influence on him."

"Yeah?" Casey asked absently, taking the cookie sheet and putting it in the oven.

"Don't get me wrong. Derek's still somewhat Derek. He still refuses to put the toilet seat down. He'll fight everybody over the remote every now and then. He's just a different Derek now. More mature, I guess," Nora said.

"Well, growing up will do that to you," Casey replied, "Hey Marti, do you want to go play cards?"

"Yeah!" Marti replied, racing out of the room, "I'll go get them. We got a new deck a few weeks ago."

Casey smiled at Nora, ducking out of the kitchen. She couldn't talk about Derek anymore. She was going to stick to her plan. She was going to rid Derek from her thoughts. There could be no talk about how much he had changed, or how much of an influence Jennifer had on him.

To Casey, Derek was just another acquaintance. She would just have to forget about everything that they had been through. Her focus was now on the future. And as far as she could see, he wasn't part of hers.

And she obviously wasn't a part of his.

* * *

"Hey honey! Are you here?" Derek called out as he entered his apartment.

He waited for that familiar sound of Jennifer's ringing voice, but all he was greeted with was silence. Shrugging off his coat, he hung it in the coat closet, then stepped out of his boots. Glancing about the place, he was kind of glad that Jennifer wasn't there. He needed a little time by himself.

He had been living here for three months. The lease at his old place had run out, and he and Jennifer had been dating for two months, so they decided to get a place together. It was kind of nice, Derek decided. He only had to play half the rent and utilities, and it was much better than the other dump he had been living in. That, and of course, being with Jennifer was nice.

Going to the refrigerator, he pulled out a soda. Popping the top, he grabbed the note off of the refrigerator door. Jennifer was at her sister's place. She would be back Friday night. Derek laughed cynically, throwing the not in the garbage.

Jennifer's sister, Amber, was always needing consoling after she fought with her husband, Ted. The two had been married for just over a year now, and Jennifer was always running off to stay with her whenever Ted decided to split for a night or two. Derek hoped that his marriage wouldn't turn out like that. He hoped that what he and Jennifer had was more than that.

Plopping down on the sofa, he grabbed the remote and started flipping through the channels. As usual, nothing caught his attention. He spent the next half hour just watching a blur of infomercials, news clips, and cooking shows flash before his eyes. The phone rang, and he debated whether he should just let the machine get it. The light on it was already blinking, but he figured that it was probably just Jennifer letting him know that she had gotten to her sister's place safely. In the end, however, he reached over to answer it.

"Derek!" Jennifer exclaimed on the other end, then lowered her voice to a whisper, "Sorry about this. Amber called and I just couldn't say no. She's really upset."

"She should just file for a divorce," Derek replied, sipping his soda.

"Shh!" Jennifer scolded him, "Not so loud! I'm in the bathroom. If she knows that I'm talking to you, it'll break her heart."

"Just because she's all depressed doesn't mean that everybody else has to be," Derek replied, "Besides, why do you have to run off every time she has a problem? I didn't see her over her when you were upset over not getting that job. Or when you sprained your wrist a few months ago."

"Well," Jennifer sighed, "Amber's my baby sister. She can't help it. With mom gone now, I'm the next best thing to a mother figure."

"I know, I know," Derek replied, "I just wish you could be here now. They're saying the weather might get bad tonight, a snowstorm or something."

He got up to go to the window. Lifting one of the plastic blind slates, he peered outside. In the glow of store lights and parking lot lamp posts, he saw the sky and how it seemed to loom above.

"I think I can handle a little snow," Jennifer laughed, "I've lived here my whole life. If it does get bad tonight, it'll be fine by tomorrow afternoon. I'll just leave then."

"Just be careful, okay?" Derek said.

He started to walk away from the window, but he noticed a familiar figure walking in the parking lot towards his apartment building. For a moment, he was unsure of who it was. But, as the figure got closer, he was sure he couldn't be mistaken.

It was Casey.

"I have to go before Amber starts getting suspicious," Jennifer replied, "What are you going to do tonight without me?"

"Huh?" Derek asked, snapping back to reality.

He had been too busy watching Casey as she moved towards the building. She kept looking down at a small piece of paper in her hand while trying to keep her coat close to her body. The wind was starting to pick up outside.

"You won't be too lonely without me?" Jennifer teased.

"No, I don't think so," Derek replied, oblivious to her playful tactics.

Jennifer's voice fell, "I'll call you later, maybe."

"Okay, sure," Derek replied, "Tell Amber I said to get a divorce."

"Shut up," Jennifer said, "Love you. Bye."

"Bye," Derek replied, hanging up.

He would get hell later for not saying _I love you_ back, but at this moment he didn't really care. Casey finally disappeared out of view, finally entering the building. Derek raced to the bathroom and examined himself quickly in the mirror. Frantically, he brushed his teeth and stripped off his shirt. Going to the bedroom, he picked out a cleaner shirt, slipping it on over his head.

Racing back to the living room, he tossed his soda can (and all of the other soda cans sitting about) into the garbage, straightening the stack of magazines on the table and throwing his boots in the closet. His heart stopped when he heard a tentative knock on his door. He glanced at the door much like he had glanced at the phone earlier. It was as if he were deciding whether or not to open it.

But, of course he was going to open it. It was Casey. He had been waiting to have a moment alone (truly alone) with her since he had heard she was coming home during the holidays. He went to the door and looked through the peep hole first. There she was. The tip of her nose was a slight red from the cold and wind, and she was anxiously looking down at the piece of paper in her hand. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door.

"Casey! What are you doing here?" he asked, trying to sound as surprised as he could.

"Am I intruding?" she asked nervously, "I mean, I could come back-"

Derek cut her off, "No, it's cool. Come in."

Casey cautiously entered his apartment, taking one step in as he shut the door behind her. She glanced about. It was nice. It made her think of home. Her place in Manhattan was more what the interior designer she'd hired wanted rather than what she had wanted.

"Your coat?" Derek asked, interrupting her thoughts.

"Oh," she replied, starting to shrug it off.

Her breath nearly caught in her throat as Derek was there behind her, his hands on her coat as he helped her take it off. She felt his heat pouring onto her as he stood there, despite the fact that he wasn't actually touching her skin. It was just the effect he had on her.

"Thanks," she said, watching as he hung her coat in the small closet beside them, "Nice place."

"It's no townhouse in New York, but it'll do," Derek replied.

There was an awkward pause. He hadn't meant for it to come out like that. He wasn't jealous of what Casey had accomplished. He was just jealous that she had accomplished them without him.

"Is Jennifer here?" Casey asked.

It came out more anxious than casual, and she scolded herself. She had been practicing the entire ride over here how she would ask the question.

"No, she's out for the night," Derek said, then clarified, "At her sister's."

"Everything okay?" Casey asked.

Perhaps they were fighting. Casey hated that the thought of Derek and Jennifer fighting made her feel so excited inside.

"Yeah," he replied, not wanting to go into details, and instead, shifting the conversation, "Do you want something to drink?"

"No, thanks," she replied.

They stood there for another strange second before he ushered her into the living room. She sat down in the recliner as he took a seat on the sofa. Casey smiled to herself. She was sure that this recliner was where he always sat, just like it had been when they were growing up. Now, when she sat in his chair, he couldn't fight her over it. She supposed that came with the territory of getting older.

"What's up?" Derek asked, trying to sound casual, when in fact there were a million thoughts running through his mind.

Some of them weren't so appropriate.

"Well, Marti and I started to bake cookies, but we forgot that they were in the oven while we were playing cards, and burnt them all," Casey replied, "Almost burnt the house down."

Derek laughed, "Hey, almost doesn't count, right?"

"So, I felt bad for ruining her batch of cookies, so I went out to grab her a treat," Casey replied, "And Mom suggested that I come by here and get you. You know, as Marti's metaphorical new batch of cookies, since she loves you so much."

Casey didn't mention that she had fought off the suggestion as much as she could. She thought that more cookies or an ice cream would have been sufficient gifts to say that she was sorry. But, when Nora had mentioned, in front of Marti, that maybe Derek could come by, the poor kid wouldn't let it go.

"Please Casey? Please go to get Derek? Please?" Marti had begged, tugging at her shirt like a three-year-old.

"It's his last day of work," Nora had told Casey, "I'm sure he and Jennifer would love to come by and see Marti. Besides, you can go by and see his new place."

"Well, I'm not exactly edible," Derek smiled, "But, I'll try my best."

_You look yummy to me,_ Casey automatically thought.

The idea came to her head so quickly that she didn't have time to stop it. A deep, slow blush crept onto her cheeks and she hoped that she could just blame it on the cold if he asked. Instead, he just stood up and started down the hallway.

"Give me just a minute," Derek said, disappearing into his bedroom.

Casey watched his back until he faded from view. Then, she turned her attention back to the apartment. There was a picture on the table in front of her, and she leaned forward to grab it. It was a picture of Derek and Jennifer in a boat somewhere. He had his arms around her, and they were both smiling. It made her heart ache.

"You could have just called, you know!" Derek called out from the bedroom, "I would have driven myself."

Casey jumped, startled at his voice, and quickly placed the picture back on the table before calling back, "I did!"

Derek poked his head out of the bedroom and looked at her quizzically, "When?"

"Nobody answered, so I left a message on the machine," Casey replied, looking at the blinking light on the answering machine beside the sofa.

"I didn't get any message," Derek replied, disappearing back into his bedroom.

Casey got out of the recliner and went to press the button on the machine. It read off the time and day before playing the message she had left earlier. Derek came out of his bedroom and looked at her sheepishly.

"Sorry," he said, "I thought it was Jennifer."

"Well, when you didn't answer, Mom suggested that I just take the minivan and come by," Casey explained, "I guess she thinks that you work hard all day or something and would like to be chauffeured."

"Hey, some of us _do_ work hard all day," Derek glared playfully at her, "Unlike you."

Casey put a hand to her chest, pretending to be hurt, "Ouch, Derek. That was harsh."

He smiled back at her, and they both felt it at that moment when their eyes connected. It was the distinct feeling that there was something there between them. Whatever it was, it was strong, and it made their hearts beat fast and their palms all sweaty.

"Well, we'd better get going," Derek said, grabbing their coats out of the closet by the door.

She waited to see if Derek would help her with her coat again, but he didn't. Instead, he just handed it to her and then put on his own coat. She thanked him, then let him open the door for her before they both left.


	5. The Minute That You Hold Me In

_Part Five: The Minute That You Hold Me In_

"Yeah, and then Casey burnt the last batch of cookies," Marti told Derek dramatically.

The three of them were seated at the kitchen table, waiting for the second batch of cookies to finish baking. They were all playing cards. The ride over had been sufficiently awkward, with only a few words exchanged between them. When they finally arrived, they were relieved to finally have other people around.

"Hey now!" Casey retorted, "You were the master chef. I was just an assistant. The blame is partially yours, you know."

"I don't think so, Casey," Derek said, "I mean, let's look at the evidence here. Exhibit A," he gestured towards Marti, "Marti is an innocent child. She could never do wrong. Right Marti?"

Marti smiled and nodded.

"I object!" Casey smiled, "Just because someone appears innocent doesn't actually mean that they are. That's an assumption."

"Objection overruled!" Marti replied, slapping her hand on the table and turning to Derek, "You may proceed."

"Thank you, honorable judge," Derek replied.

"Wait a minute," Casey objected, "Marti can't be the judge _and_ Exhibit A. That's contradictory."

"Objection overruled!" Marti repeated, slapping the table again.

Casey sat back in her chair, placing her cards on the table and crossing her arms, smiling smugly at Derek.

"Well, then, maybe you should ask _this_ question," Casey said, "Who actually put the cookies in the oven?"

"It wasn't me!" Marti immediately called out anxiously.

"Just a moment," Derek said, holding up a finger and leaning in towards Marti, "I need to confer with Marti," he lowered his voice to a whisper, but Casey still heard every word he said, "So, you didn't put the cookies in the oven?"

"Well…" Marti began guiltily.

"No. Wrong answer," Derek said, "Let's try this again. So, you didn't put the cookies in the oven?"

"…No?" Marti asked, unsure of what she should say.

"Well, well…" Derek said, leaning away from Marti and back in his chair, crossing his arms across his chest as Casey was doing, "It seems that my client-"

"Wait. This is getting out of hand!" Casey exclaimed, "First she's your Exhibit A. Then, she's the judge. And now she's your client? Absurd."

"Another angry outburst, and the judge might hold you in contempt," Derek warned, "It seems as thought my client has no recollection of ever putting any said cookies in an oven. With that in mind, I think the jury should make a decision now."

"And let me guess…" Casey said, tapping her finger against the side of her head, as if thinking hard, "The jury is also Exhibit A, the judge, and your client?"

Derek shrugged, "Merely coincidence."

"Casey's guilty!" Marti yelped, "Send her to jail!"

The timer on the oven started beeping at that moment, and Casey slowly stood, her hands on the table, looking first at Derek, then at Marti.

"I'd better get those," she said, "Or I might get a second conviction."

Casey went to the oven, opening the door. Satisfied that they were done, she slipped on an oven mitt and pulled out the cookie sheet. At the smell of fresh cookies, everybody started piling into the kitchen.

Edwin was able to get to the front first, and he quickly grabbed up several cookies before Nora reprimanded him and made him put half of them back. Defeated, he obeyed and sulked into the living room. Lizzie had one cookie, but declined the rest.

"I'm watching my figure," she clarified.

Casey regarded her strangely, "Since when did you become concerned about your figure?"

"When she turned fourteen," Nora spoke up, and Lizzie shot her a playful glare.

They all went back out into the living room, and Casey and Derek were left in the kitchen. Casey realized then that she had been spending the entire evening with Derek and it hadn't felt awkward at all. It had felt like old times. Minus the fighting.

"Want a cookie?" she asked, gesturing towards the cookie sheet beside her.

"Nah," he replied, waving them off before rubbing his stomach, "I need something a little more fulfilling than chocolates chips and cookie dough."

Casey smiled, plucking the last two cookies off the sheet and placing them on a paper towel for someone to eat later. She turned to the dishwasher and placed the cookie sheet inside, standing up straight. Derek was still seated in the chair at the table, shuffling and reshuffling the deck of cards. They had given up on playing long ago when the mock trial began.

She cautiously sat down at the table as well, leaving a chair in between them. They sat there for a few seconds in silence. The clock on the wall was steadily _tick ticking_. Derek drummed his fingertips on the table once before clearing his throat.

"So, how's your job going?" he asked.

"Good," she replied, "Yours?"

"Good," he replied.

They sat for a few more seconds in silence, before Casey finally asked, "So, how did you and Jennifer meet?"

"Oh, um, at a place downtown," he replied, "After work, while I was out with a buddy of mine and she was with some friends."

"That's nice," Casey replied.

"So what about you?" Derek asked, clearing his throat again, "Have you, uh, met anybody?"

Casey gave a small smile, "Nope."

Derek couldn't understand why the pressure in his chest was suddenly fading. But he could feel that awkward feeling slowly washing away.

"So, when's the wedding?" Casey asked, putting the spotlight back on him.

"I don't know," Derek replied, "We haven't really got around to setting one yet."

"Oh," Casey said.

Derek checked his watch at that moment and stood up suddenly, "Well, we should probably get going."

"Yeah," Casey replied, standing up as well, "It's getting late."

He quickly left the kitchen before they could say anything more. The ride home was going to be awkward enough.

Casey didn't know why she felt so terrible watching him leave. It was like her heart was breaking a thousand times. She wondered if this was how Derek had felt that day at the airport.

She followed him out into the living room and crossed her arms as she watched him say good-bye to everybody. He turned to look at her at the last second, and their eyes connected. She smiled at him slightly, and he parted his lips, as if he was going to say something. But, at that final moment, he quickly turned to the door, seemingly defeated and frustrated.

"I'll be back," Casey told everybody.

She grabbed the car keys off of the table beside her. Derek took his coat off of the coat rack by the door and slipped it on. He opened the front door.

"Um…" he began.

"What?" Casey asked, grabbing her coat as well.

He stepped away from the door and opened it further so she could see. The snow outside was harshly coming down. The wind was blowing the tiny flakes ferociously about the yard, and they could barely see the street from where they stood.

"Oh," Casey replied as Derek shut the door.

Nora was up and at the window, peering out of the blinds. She clicked her tongue a few times.

"You're just going to have to stay here for the night," she said, "I'll fix up the couch for you, and Casey can just drive you back tomorrow. You should probably call Jennifer and let her know."

"Jennifer's staying the night with Amber," Derek said absently, taking one last look at the snowstorm before shutting the door.

"Is Amber fighting with her husband again?" Nora asked.

Derek shrugged, "When is she not?"

"They need to just separate," George said.

"That's no way to continue a marriage," Nora sighed, clicking her tongue.

Casey felt clueless. She really didn't have any idea what anybody was talking about. It used to be that she knew everything that everybody was talking about around the house. She made it her business to be clued in on everything. But now, listening to them talk, she was quite sure that she didn't belong anymore.

She told everybody she was going upstairs for a minute, and she went straight to her room. Sitting down on the bed, she looked around her room. She couldn't help be feel sad about not being there more often.

"Tired?" a voice asked from the doorway.

It was Lizzie.

"Yeah," Casey replied, gesturing for Lizzie to come sit beside her, "And a little frustrated."

"Why?" Lizzie asked.

"I just wish I would have been here more, you know," Casey sighed, "I just ran off to New York and didn't think about anybody but myself."

"Don't be so hard on yourself," Lizzie said, "Nobody's mad at you or anything. You always call. And you're always here on holidays."

"I just feel like I'm missing out on everything now," Casey replied.

Lizzie saw that melancholy look in Casey's eyes and said, "Well, if you feel left out about the whole Derek and Jennifer thing, then you're not the only one."

"Huh?" Casey replied, dumbly.

"They were only dating for about five months before he popped the question," Lizzie said, "And none of us ever really thought they were serious. You know Derek. He would get one girlfriend this month, another one the next. It was as if there was always something, or _someone_, keeping him from committing."

"Why Jennifer?" Casey asked, "I thought you didn't like her."

"Oh, I don't," Lizzie explained, "Neither does Edwin, really. Marti's the only one that likes her. Mom didn't really even care too much about her at first, but when she found out that they were engaged, she sort of decided that Jennifer was okay."

"Why don't you like her?" Casey pressed.

"She's just so fake," Lizzie replied, "Remember all of the girls that dated Derek in high school? Well, she's just an older version of them. I don't know. I've never really seen her do anything terrible, but you can just feel it, you know?"

"Yeah, I know," Casey replied.

"And she never shuts up," Lizzie continued.

Casey laughed, reaching over to touch her little sister's hair, "Why did you dye your hair?"

"What's wrong with it?" Lizzie replied, pulling a few strands between her fingers as well, "I think I look good as a blond."

"It does look good," Casey said, "I just never pictured you as dyeing your hair."

"I didn't, either," Lizzie said, "But, I started hanging out with Jessica Calhoun, and we do all sorts of crazy things now."

"No tattoos, I hope," Casey smiled.

"Not yet," Lizzie replied casually, and then when Casey's eyes grew wide and large, she continued, "Just kidding. No tattoos. No crazy piercings. Just a little fun every now and then."

"Good," Casey said.

"Well, I'm going to try to go to sleep," Lizzie said, standing up, "I need to get my beauty sleep, you know."

"Important stuff," Casey confirmed.

They both said goodnight, and Lizzie quietly shut the door behind her. Casey thought about Derek the moment that her little sister left. He was downstairs at that moment. He would be sleeping in this very same house tonight. That hadn't happened in four years.

She dismissed the thoughts and readied herself for bed. No use thinking about the past anymore. It had finally caught up with her.

* * *

_I'll just be really quiet,_ Casey told herself as she quietly opened her bedroom door that night.

It was the middle of the night, and she was having trouble sleeping. She had been tossing and turning all night, trying to find a comfortable spot. So far, she wasn't having any luck.

She was also growing hungry, which was why she justified the decision to sneak downstairs and grab something to eat. Which would mean she would have to pass by Derek on the couch.

She lightly padded into the hallway and to the top of the stairs. Taking a deep breath, she slowly made her way down. A few of the stairs creaked loudly, and she winced as the sound filled the air. Finally, she made it to the bottom, and saw Derek curled up on the couch.

The TV was still on, so she could see him perfectly in the blue glow. He looked cute there, tangled in the sheets. What she was doing was so wrong.

Derek was her stepbrother _and_ someone else's fiancée.

But she couldn't help it. As quietly as she could, she tiptoed closer until she was almost standing above him. She examined his face; his slightly red cheeks, his lips, his disheveled hair.

He had one hand on his chest, the other slung over the side of the couch. She smiled at him, going around the couch to pick up the remote that had fallen. She turned the TV off, and he stirred slightly. Panicked, she quickly rushed into the kitchen. She waited to hear if he was getting up, but all she heard was silence.

Opening the refrigerator, she pulled out some milk and poured herself a glass. She noticed that the two cookies she had left by the oven were, surprisingly, still there, so she grabbed them and sat down at the table.

"Can't sleep?" some said, just as she was taking her first bite.

She jumped, startled, nearly knocking her glass of milk over.

"Sorry," Derek replied, scratching is head and yawning.

"Did I wake you?" Casey asked.

"I would say no just to be polite," he replied, "But, actually, you did."

"I thought I was being quiet," Casey protested.

"Well, you weren't," he replied playfully.

She noticed that he didn't move to sit down or anything. He just stood there in jeans and a t-shirt, repeatedly yawning and scratching himself. She tentatively took another bite of her cookie.

"So, it looks like we're probably not going shopping tomorrow," Casey said.

"No, I guess not," Derek replied.

There was that familiar silence again. It was the one that always ensued during an awkward conversation. Losing her appetite, Casey got up and went to the kitchen sink to pour the rest of her milk down the drain.

"Hey Case," Derek finally said, "Can I talk to you about something?"

_He called me Case,_ she said to herself, thinking about how strange it made her feel inside when he called her that. Like they were intimate, or something.

"Sure," she replied, turning from the sink to face him.

"Do you like Jennifer?" he asked, "I mean, honestly?"

Casey let out a small laugh. Here she was, thinking he was going to ask some earth shattering question. No, it was just about Jennifer.

"She's nice," Casey replied.

"Come on," Derek insisted, "Tell me the truth. You never had a problem telling me you hated any of my girlfriend's before."

"As long as you love her, Derek," Casey managed to say, "Then, it shouldn't matter what anybody else thinks."

"Yeah," he replied, "Do you think she's _the one _for me?"

Derek was looking at her intently. It was as if his whole life depended on how she answered this question.

"If you think she is," Casey said, shrugging, wanting to seem outwardly casual, though her heart was breaking inside,

"It's just that, I was thinking about that day at the…"

He drifted off, but she knew what he was about to say. She looked down at her hands, twisting her fingers together.

In the next moment, Derek had striven across the kitchen. He looked into her eyes for a split second before he pulled her close. It was strange at first, but Casey let herself melt into his arms. His body felt so good against hers.

"Casey, I've always…" Derek began, his breath soft against her hair, "I mean, you know I would never…"

"I know," Casey replied, "I know."

He pulled away and looked at her once more. She wondered if he was going to kiss her. He licked his lips. For a quick second, he let his eyes move to her lips. But he stepped away then, and the rush of heat that had enveloped her suddenly disappeared.

"Goodnight," Derek said, turning to leave.

"Goodnight, Derek" Casey replied into the darkness.


	6. Too Much Time Has Gone By

_Part Six: Too Much Time Has Gone By_

Casey awoke lazily the next morning. She had slept incredibly well the previous night. The last thoughts on her mind had been what had lulled her to sleep. She hadn't been ashamed of the thoughts the previous night. But now, in the glow of morning, she was slightly embarrassed.

She had drifted off to sleep with images of Derek in her head.

After he had held her close, she couldn't get it off her mind. Afterward, she had quietly left the kitchen, snuck past him as he lay on the sofa in the living room without so much as a glance in his direction, and then tucked herself under her covers.

They hadn't been in such close contact in four years.

And then he had said, "You know I would never…"

What had he been trying to say? _You know I would never leave Jennifer? You know I would never hurt Jennifer?_

After deciding that perhaps Derek hadn't finished the sentence because he didn't want to hurt her, Casey decided that she wasn't going to overanalyze what he had been trying to say. Dumbly, she had just told him _I know_, when all she wanted to do was scream at him, _What do you mean? Let me know!_

Wiping at her eyes, she regretfully threw back the covers. Padding to the bedroom door, she noticed a white slip of paper lying on the ground in front of it. She bent to pick it up. Curiously, she unfolded it. It was from Derek.

_Casey- rain check on the shopping trip? _

Her heart fell, disappointed. Typical Derek. Concerned with a shopping trip when there had obviously been something going on between them the night before. Tiredly, she placed the note on her night table and went downstairs. The smell of coffee wafted towards her, and she obediently followed the odor to the kitchen.

"Good morning!" Nora chirped, stirring her own cup of coffee.

"Morning," Casey replied.

She went to the cabinet above the coffee pot and grabbed a mug before pouring herself a cup. She drank it black, carefully sipping the hot liquid.

"You don't have to worry about taking Derek home," Nora said, "Jennifer came early this morning and picked him up on her way back from her sister's."

Casey just gave a little _hmm _in response as she continued to sip her coffee. Awake only five minutes and already she was forced back to reality with the word _Jennifer_. She was determined that from now on, she would probably abhor anybody she ever met with that name.

"As soon as the sun came up this morning, all of the snow was gone," Nora continued, "Just another great day of Canadian weather, eh? The news reports are saying that there shouldn't be another major storm again until after the holidays."

Casey felt her heart tug when she realized that Derek and her probably could have gone out that day. The snow was gone. The sun was shining. All of the fury of the night before was gone.

But he had just bailed on her. He was gone, with Jennifer. That let her feeling sore inside. Casey sighed. She really had to stop thinking like this. She was stuck in the past while everybody around her was moving forward. She turned to Nora.

"So, what are we going to do today?" she asked as cheerfully as possible.

"Gee, I don't know," Nora said, "I hadn't really made any plans because of the storm. Now I'm kind of stuck. Maybe we could go out? Just the two of us. Catch up?"

Casey smiled, "I would love that."

Nora eyed her daughter, "You'd better go upstairs and take a quick shower."

Casey tried to look hurt and horrified as she placed her mug in the kitchen sink, "I can't believe you would say such a thing! I was planning on going like this. Slippers and all. What? You wouldn't like that?"

"No, I wouldn't," Nora laughed.

"Man, things really _have_ changed," Casey said, "When I was little, you would have encouraged me to go shopping in pajamas. It would have been creative. Now, you just think it's lazy."

"One of the many things about being an adult that stinks," Nora confirmed, pushing her daughter out of the kitchen, "So go!"

Casey laughed, quickly jogging up the stairs to get ready.

* * *

"Hey babe," Jennifer said.

She was laying on the bed as Derek came out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist. After she had picked him up, they returned home and fell back asleep. It was just after noon now.

"Hey," Derek replied.

Jennifer regarded him strangely. Ever since picking him up that morning, he had seemed distant. It was like there was something on his mind and he wasn't interested in telling her. Sitting up in bed, she shook her head slightly so that her blond locks fell beautifully over her shoulders. He hardly seemed to notice.

"I was thinking we could call up a few friends and go out tonight," she suggested.

"I don't know," he replied, opening the closet door, "I'm not really in the mood today."

Jennifer pouted, "But we haven't gone out in such a long time! I've barely seen my friends lately."

"You can go out," Derek replied absently, grabbing a shirt off of its hanger and tossing it onto the bed.

"We're engaged now," Jennifer reminded him, as if he were a child, "We need to do things _together_."

Derek was at the dresser now, pulling out a pair of boxer shorts, "I thought that was the point of _marriage_. Not engagement."

She glared at him as he took the towel off and quickly slipped on his shirt and boxer shorts, "You're completely hopeless, you know that?"

"You agreed to marry me, you know," Derek said, "It takes two. You're half at blame."

Jennifer fell back onto her pillow, groaning and pulling the covers over her head. Derek felt slightly guilty as he watched her. He wasn't meaning to be short or irritated with her. It was just that he couldn't get the previous night out of his head.

More specifically, he couldn't get _Casey_ out of his head.

Her body had felt so amazing against his again. Her curves fit against him perfectly. She had felt so warm and perfect there. It had driven him crazy having her in his arms. He had thought about kissing her in that split second when they pulled apart.

But it wasn't fair. It wasn't fair to Jennifer. Hell, for all Derek knew, it wasn't fair to Casey. Here he was, thinking that there was something there between them now, after all of this time. She was probably oblivious to it all. He sighed, crawling back into bed beside Jennifer.

_I'm not going to think about Casey at all today,_ Derek promised himself as he pulled the covers away from Jennifer's face.

"I'm sorry," he said, bending to kiss her forehead.

"I know," she smiled.

He smiled back as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into a kiss. All the while, he was fighting back thoughts of his stepsister. He wasn't going to think about her. Not today. Not now.

Absolutely not.

* * *

"You seem distracted today," Nora commented as she watched her daughter.

They were sitting at a table eating Chinese as they took a break from shopping. Casey was quite pleased that she had already bought gifts for Marti, Edwin, and George. She already had a few ideas in mind for Lizzie and her mother as well, and would have to plan a separate trip in order to get it all done.

And then there was Derek. What was she suppose to get him? Maybe she would just get him something that resembled a wedding gift. Then, she wouldn't have to be worried about actually buying something and shipping it to him when the wedding actually came around. Maybe silverware. Or a toaster.

"Huh?" Casey replied, interrupted from her thoughts about lame household appliances.

"That forkful of noodles has been poised halfway to your mouth for the last two minutes as you've stared off into space," Nora pointed out.

"Sorry," Casey replied bashfully, "Just thinking."

"About work?" Nora asked.

"Partly," Casey lied, quickly devouring the noodles that she had apparently forgotten about.

Nora watched her daughter strangely. Something was on her mind. But, if Casey didn't feel like divulging any information, that was fine with her. She checked her watch.

"Are you ready to go?" Nora asked, "We should probably get back and make sure there aren't any raging parties going on with Lizzie and Edwin there by themselves. Kind of like what happened with you and a favorite stepbrother of yours."

Casey smiled to herself as she remembered that day. She had resented Derek at first for throwing that party. She had even hated him when they had gotten locked inside the bathroom. Inside, she had secretly been ecstatic. Being around Derek alone when they were growing up had always sparked something inside of her.

Something that she had always denied. It couldn't have been much of anything. Right?

"We were thinking about giving a sort of family gift to Derek and Jennifer," Nora explained, pulling her coat off of the back of chair and slipping it on, "So, you don't have to worry about them. We're all kind of stumped over what to get, though. If you come up with anything, let us know."

_Derek and Jennifer._ You couldn't say one name without saying the other now. How terrible.

_You're just jealous,_ Casey told herself, _And not because it's Derek that's taken. It's because you haven't been taken yet._

The more she thought about it on the way to the car, the more it made sense. Casey had been so used to beating Derek at everything; school, work, life. She had always made better grades in high school. She had always excelled at after school jobs, and even now, was currently advancing in her career. She had always been responsible and carefully planned out her goals.

The fact that Derek had found his supposed soul mate before her was the basic issue. He was beating her at the whole marriage thing. How could she have let that happen? Why had she been thinking that it had anything to do with some kind of deeper feelings? She laughed at that moment, loud and full.

"What's so funny?" Nora asked as they reached the minivan.

"Nothing," Casey gasped between chuckles, climbing into the passenger's seat, "Just me."

* * *

Casey and Nora returned home to find the house still in order. No crazy parties. No overturned furniture. It was completely intact. Just the way they had left it.

Edwin came down the stairs and gave them the scoop. Lizzie had gone off to Jessica's house, but would be back later that night. Marti was busily setting up a secret laboratory in her room, where she was planning on making cookie dough that would never burn in the oven. George had called a few minutes before they had walked through the door to say that he would be home late from work, having to stay an extra hour or two to go over a few clerical details.

"Oh," Edwin said casually as he flopped onto the sofa, "Emily called, too."

Casey felt terrible when she had to pause to think about who he was talking about. _Emily_. Her best friend in high school. Of course. It had just been so long, and she had nearly forgotten about everything that had to do with high school and everybody there.

"What did she say?" Casey asked, hanging her coat on the coat rack by the door.

Edwin shrugged, "Too much."

Casey looked at him expectantly, her hand on her hip, "Did she want me to call her back?"

"Yeah, she said something like that," Edwin replied, "I wrote down the number. It's over by the phone."

"You're hopeless," Casey replied, grabbing the slip of paper and starting up the stairs, wondering when it was that Edwin had become so careless.

"I'm a teenager!" Edwin called after her, as if that explained it all.

She went to her bedroom and sat down at her desk. After leaving for New York, Casey had called Emily just twice; the first time was when she was all moved in to let her know that she was okay, and the second time was Emily's birthday a few weeks later. They exchanged a few e-mails after that, and then quickly lost touch. Even when she had come back for the holidays, Casey had been so busy with her family that she didn't think much about anything else.

She looked down at the sheet of paper. There was Edwin's scribble. Emily's phone number. Picking up the phone before she had a chance to chicken out, she quickly dialed the number.

"Hello?" Casey heard that familiar voice on the other end.

"Emily? It's Casey," she said meekly.

"Casey Macdonald!" Emily squealed on the other end, "I cannot believe it has been nearly three years since we've communicated. I bet you've been so busy in New York. I know I've been busy, busy, busy here! Oh my gosh, how have you been? Don't tell me, I bet you are already the CEO of some major corporation and making millions a year? Am I right? I bet I am. You were always so smart and ambitious. Geez, Casey, I've missed you a lot."

Emily paused at that moment and Casey was able to detect a hint of sadness behind all of the babble. She felt terrible inside.

"I've missed you, too," Casey replied.

"It's just that I was talking to Nora a few days ago and she mentioned that you were coming to town for the holidays, and I figured I would give you a call and catch up," Emily explained.

"You were talking to my mom?" Casey asked.

"Yeah, she baby-sits Caitlin every now and then," Emily said.

"Who's Caitlin?" Casey asked.

There was another pause, "Nora hasn't told you? Well, I guess she wouldn't have. I asked her not to. But, I've had a baby, Casey. A little girl. She'll be eight months old in January."

For a moment, Casey couldn't comprehend what Emily had just said. She even shook her head to try to see if she had been imagining it. But, when the dizziness in her head had finally subsided, she realized that she had correctly heard everything.

Emily was a mother. Emily had a baby. Eight months ago. Casey's own mother babysat for Emily. And she hadn't even known.

"It's just that you didn't make your usual trip home during the summer," Emily explained when Casey didn't respond, "And I didn't want to bother you in New York with the news. Nora thought it would be best if I let you know myself. So…surprise! I'm a mom."

"How do you know about my trips home?" Casey asked, then not wanting to sound rude, continued, "I mean, it's just that we haven't seen each other in such a long time. I didn't know that you would know about when I came home or not."

"I always knew when you were home," Emily sighed, "I just never thought it would be appropriate to come by. I always just thought if you wanted to come by and see me, you would."

There was a bitterness in her friend's voice that Casey had never heard before. There was a distinct, ugly feeing inside of her that reminded her that she had completely given up their friendship. Casey felt sick.

"I'm sorry, Em," Casey said, "I've just been so busy."

"Yeah," Emily replied softly.

"But, I could come by tonight and see you," Casey suggested, "And Caitlin."

"I would love that," Emily said genuinely, "We're waiting for Daddy to get home right now. Isn't that right Caitlin?"

Casey imagined Emily standing there with the phone resting between her ear and shoulder, holding a tiny, beautiful baby in her arms. Emily was probably an excellent mother.

"Daddy?" Casey asked, unable to resist the urge to ask who the father was.

"Oh right, I haven't told you about that yet, have I?" Emily said.

"It's all right," Casey replied, "I didn't mean to pry or anything like that."

"Casey. Please," Emily laughed, "You're not prying. It's just that I wasn't sure how you would react or anything, is all."

"Why would you be concerned with that?" Casey asked, her brow furrowed.

"It's Sam's," Emily said quickly.

_Sam._ Casey felt the word echoing in her head. The boy she used to have a crush on in high school. The boy she actually dated for six months until they broke up and decided to be just friends.

She realized at that moment just how much she had missed. Emily and Sam were together. Emily and Sam. And Caitlin.

"Casey? Are you there?" Emily asked.

"Huh? Yeah, I'm here," Casey said, "I'm just shocked."

"You're not mad are you?" Emily asked.

Casey laughed, "Em, why would I be mad? I think it's great. I just can't believe you didn't tell me!"

Emily let out the breath she had been holding, "Well, let's not think about the past anymore. I'm glad you're okay with this. I know you and Sam used to date. But, we started working at the same restaurant downtown and…I don't know. It just kind of happened. We're getting married as soon as we get the money."

"Congratulations," Casey said, "Um, what time would be good for me to come by?"

"Any time, really," Emily said, "We live over on Dogwood now. The street number is 168."

"I'll see you soon, then," Casey said, "Bye."

She hung up the phone and sighed.

_What a day._


	7. Fight Between My Heart And Mind

_Part Seven: Fight Between My Heart and Mind_

Casey flipped the collar of her jacket up once more as she examined herself in the hallway mirror. She was getting ready to go see Emily. And Caitlin. And possibly Sam. She had to admit, the thought made her stomach do flips.

After telling Nora where she was going, she grabbed her purse off of the table by the front door and pulled it onto her shoulder, opening the front door. She jumped, almost screamed, when she saw someone standing on the front porch. He had a suitcase by his side. His hand was poised in front of him, as if he had been getting ready to knock.

"Whatever you're selling, we don't want any," she told the man she had never seen before, eyeing him cautiously.

"I've never seen you here before," the man replied, then snapped his fingers, "Wait a minute. You must be the sister!"

"Excuse me?" Casey asked, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Casey! Who are you talking to?" Nora called from the kitchen.

"I'm not sure!" she replied.

The man picked up his suitcase and stepped past Casey and into the house, shrugging off his coat. She was flustered for a moment, almost bewildered when she couldn't make any connection as to who he was. Although, she had to admit, he was pretty handsome there with his dark eyes and dark hair. Thankfully, Nora emerged from the kitchen at that moment, wiping her hands on a dish towel.

"Oh, hey Jeff," Nora said, then glanced down at his suitcase, "Planning on staying?"

He laughed, "No, not at all. I just came from the airport. To make a long story short, my flight was cancelled from the snowstorm, then it was rescheduled, then my girlfriend dumped me, and here I am."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," Nora replied, then after glancing at her daughter and seeing her confusion, continued, "Casey, this is Jeff. He works with Derek."

"Oh," Casey said, still feeling slightly uncomfortable under his gaze, "Nice to meet you."

Jeff smiled at her, "Likewise," and then he turned to Nora, "I'm sorry to show up like this. I tried to call Derek to get a ride, but he hasn't been answering his phone. I only had enough money to get a cab this far."

"It's fine," Nora replied, "You can use the phone by the computer and try to get in touch with Derek again."

"Thanks," he replied.

He strode to the phone, picked it up, and began dialing. Nora went to meet Casey by the front door when she noticed her daughter was slightly dazed. She gently touched her shoulder.

"You don't want to keep Emily waiting, honey," she said.

"Huh? Oh, right," Casey agreed.

Casey looked over at Jeff one last time as he pressed the phone against his ear, checking his watch. He glanced over at her and caught her staring. He smiled, but she turned her head, blushing.

"Bye, Mom," she said quickly, darting out the door.

* * *

"I swear, you can't leave the house for two seconds without someone calling and leaving fifty messages," Derek complained as he stared down at the answering machine.

He had finally consented to Jennifer's social plan, and they had both gone out to dinner with some friends. Despite the company, he had felt slightly alone and distant the whole time. Everybody kept talking about his and Jennifer's engagement. He tried to politely engage in the conversation, but somehow couldn't keep focus.

Jennifer strode to look at the machine as well, "That's a four. Not a fifty. And we were out for two hours, not two seconds. You exaggerate too much."

Derek sighed, pressing the play button and listening to the first message, "It's Jeff. I'm at the airport, and Haley…you know, the Paris Hilton chick, just ditched me. I think it might have something to do with finding me with my hand up a flight attendant's shirt while we waited for our rescheduled flight. I don't know. Just a guess. But anyway, I need a ride home. I don't-"

The machine must have cut him off because the message ended there. Derek deleted the message and listened to the second one, "As I was saying before your damn machine cut me off…I don't have my cell phone. I must've lost it or something. I'm on a payphone. I only have one quarter left, so come get me at the west gate. It's about 3:45 right now. I'm counting on you, Derek, so-"

Derek laughed as the machine cut him off again. He moved on to the third message, "Piece of shit! Okay, this is the last time I can call you. Where the hell are you? Listen, I hope you're on your way. I might just have to take a cab to your folks' place and wait for you there since it's closer to the airport and I'm currently almost broke. Wait, is that you…? No, it's not. Come on, I just need you to get in your car and-"

The machine clicked off again and went to the last message, "Thanks a lot for picking me up. I'll keep that in mind incase you need any favors in the future. I'm at your folks' place right now. I actually just met your sister," Derek noticed that Jeff's voice dropped to a whisper, "She's hot, Derek. Why didn't you tell me? I think I might have to…" his voice drifted as Nora said something to him, "I'd love some vegetable soup, Nora. Be there in a minute."

Derek felt his insides burning as he clenched his fist. Jeff was at his house. He was eating Nora's vegetable soup.

He was checking out Casey, probably thinking about doing terrible things to her. Derek's ragged fingernails dug into his palm.

"Who was that?" Jennifer asked, coming up behind him and wrapping her arms around him, pressing kisses to the side of his neck.

"Jeff," Derek replied shortly, pulling away from her, "I need to go pick him up."

"I thought he was in Mexico," Jennifer said, trying not to let it show that his sudden withdrawal had hurt her.

Derek angrily grabbed his keys off of the kitchen counter, "I'll be back."

Before Jennifer could say another word, Derek was out the door.

* * *

"She's so beautiful!" Casey exclaimed, looking down at the smiling little girl.

Caitlin responded by kicking her feet and reaching her arms up. Casey put her hand inside the crib and gently tickled the little girl. She twisted and giggled some more.

"Yeah," Emily agreed, "She's the most beautiful little girl in the whole world."

Casey watched the little girl, almost unable to tear her eyes away. Sam and Emily's baby. How strange was that? But out of such a strange relationship came such a beautiful child.

"You should hold her!" Emily exclaimed, "She seems to really like you."

"Oh no, I couldn't," Casey said, pulling her hand out of the crib and backing away.

"Oh come on," Emily said, "She's a baby, not a monster."

"I know, I know," Casey said, "It's just that I haven't held a baby since Marti was little."

Before she could protest any more, Emily was gently placing Caitlin in her arms. It felt awkward for a moment, but Casey soon relaxed, staring down at the little girl. She gently rocked from side to side.

"Honey!" they heard a voice yell as the front door opened, "Where are you?"

It was Sam. Emily called out to him to come to the nursery and he appeared in the doorway. Casey felt strange now, seeing Sam again after so long and holding his baby. She gently gave Caitlin back to Emily.

"Hey Sam," she said.

"Hey Casey," he said, "Emily said you were in town. How's it going?"

She almost laughed at how little he had changed. He was still tall and lanky, still so laid back and casual. The way he was leaning against the door frame, as if he had not a care in the world, made Casey smile to herself. She thought about all of the times they had kissed and touched. It made her blush.

"You have a beautiful baby," Casey said, focusing her eyes back onto Caitlin.

"Yeah," Sam said, striding over to Emily and kissing her on the cheek.

He bent and softly kissed Caitlin on the forehead. The baby squealed in response, and he gently tickled her exposed tummy. Casey thought about how perfect the three of them looked standing there; she could see them living a happy life as a family. It made her sad inside when she realized that she would probably never see the same fate.

She cleared her throat, "I hate to do this, but I really need to get back."

"You can't stay any longer? Dinner's on the stove," Emily said, then paused a moment, breathing in deeply, "Oh no!"

Casey inhaled as well and smelled something burning. Emily gave the baby to Sam and quickly darted out of the room. Sam just laughed and shook his head, staring down at his daughter.

"I guess I'll be going," Casey said.

"You should come by again," Sam said, "Emily's really missed you."

Casey smiled in response, really unsure of what to say. She started for the hallway, but paused in the nursery doorway at the last moment.

"What's it like?" she asked.

"What's what like?" Sam replied.

"Being married? Having a baby? A house?" Casey asked.

Sam didn't even look up from Caitlin, just answered, "Wonderful."

Casey pursed her lips, sighing, "I was afraid you would say that."

* * *

Derek realized that he was finding it hard not to speed the entire way there. For some strange reason, his heart was beating much faster than it should be. He didn't know why it irked him so much. But Jeff's words kept playing over and over again in his head.

_She's hot, Derek. Why didn't you tell me? I think I might have to…_

Derek clenched the wheel harder. As far as he was concerned, Jeff wouldn't be doing anything with Casey.

He reminded himself that Casey was sensible. She could smell a rat from a mile away. At least, the old Casey could. Derek kept thinking about how Jeff would turn on the charm with her. Derek had seen it a thousand times. He would say something witty. He would gently touch her arm. He would tell her that he had just been through a painful break-up; the girl had cheated on him.

Derek shook his head and turned up the radio. He was determined to let these thoughts go until he got there. He couldn't continue to torture himself, because every time he thought about what Jeff had said, the needle on his speedometer went dangerously up.

When he finally arrived, he quickly parked his car at the curb and half-walked, half-jogged to the front door. Opening the front door, he saw Nora and George there on the sofa, watching TV.

"Hey Derek," George said, "What's up?"

"Where's Jeff?" he asked.

He heard laughter coming from the kitchen and he hurriedly followed the noise before George could say anything more.

There they were, seated side-by-side at the table. There was an open photo album in front of them, and Casey was describing one of the pictures. His arm was slung casually around the back of her chair.

"What are you doing?" Derek asked.

Casey turned and smiled, "I'm just showing Jeff some old pictures. Here's the one where Marti dressed you up like a princess. Remember how she used to do that a lot?"

"Great pictures, Derek," Jeff said, looking at him mischievously, "You make such a pretty girl."

"Are you ready to go?" Derek asked impatiently.

"But we haven't gotten to the pictures of you dressed up like a cowboy yet," Jeff replied, "Casey said that those were hilarious."

Casey saw the look of discontent on Derek's face, so she quickly shut the photo album. She also noticed how Jeff and Derek were staring each other, as if both trying to win some kind of battle. Some kind of silent war was being waged.

She cleared her throat, pushing her seat back and standing up. Jeff's arm fell from the back of her chair and he stood as well. He turned to her.

"It was nice to meet you, Casey," he said, pulling her in for a hug.

She was startled at first, but politely hugged him back. Jeff briefly and gently massaged the lower part of her back, and she would have thought it relaxing if Derek hadn't been standing there. She glanced up, and saw a look of total discontent splayed across Derek's face.

She pulled away from Jeff.

"Do you want to get together sometime? Grab a cup of coffee?" Jeff asked.

"Oh, I won't be in town-"

"Let's go," Derek growled before she could finish.

Jeff flashed her a bright smile before turning to Derek. He gave him a small, irksome grin before telling him that he would be waiting in the car. They heard him say good-bye to George and Nora as they stood there uncomfortably.

"I'm sorry I showed him those pictures," Casey said, "He said that you were friends. I just thought it would be nice."

Before she knew what was happening, Derek grabbed her wrist and pulled her roughly against him. She collided into him, almost stumbling backwards from the force. But his hand was on the small of her back to steady her. He held her like that, with one arm on her back and one gripping her wrist. Everywhere he touched her, she felt alive.

With her cheek pressed against his chest, she could hear his heart beat. It was ticking rapidly. She could feel his hot breath on the top of her head, could feel as he panted softly into her hair. It made her feel warm inside. It made her feel warm all over.

"Derek," she whispered.

She felt his hand move up her back. She felt a gentle tug as he began playing with the tips of her hair. His right hand moved from her wrist to her face and he stroked her cheek with his thumb.

Pulling back slightly, he looked down at her. She was gazing up at him expectantly, her eyes wide and full.

He thought about how many times he had looked into her eyes. He thought about how every time he did, he felt that same kind of passion. She was so innocent. So beautiful. She seemed to grant permission with her eyes as she stared up at him. He could do anything to her at that moment, and she would let him.

Carefully, cautiously, he bent his head to press his lips against hers.

There it was. What he had waited to do for four years. It felt every bit as good as he thought it would. He felt her body trembling against his. His hand moved from the tips of her hair up to the back of her head, trying to pull her closer, wanting to feel her even more.

When she gently opened her mouth, he slid his tongue inside, tasting her and teasing her. Pushing her back against the wall, he heard her, felt her, moan against him. She was tugging at his jacket, pressing her hips into his. When she pressed her palm to his chest, she felt a low rumble inside of him.

The honking of the car horn outside is what finally ended it. He unwillingly tore his lips from hers, stepped back. Breathless.

"Oh God," he murmured.

"Derek, I-" Casey began, stepping towards him.

But as she moved towards him, he moved away. He shook his head, unable to look at her.

"I shouldn't have done that," he said, "I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking."

There was a desperate, pleading look in his eyes. It was as if he wanted to do more, wanted to touch her hungrily all over. She saw it there, could almost feel his need to consume her.

At the moment that she thought he was going to kiss her again, all he did was leave.


	8. What Are You Doing To Me?

_Part Eight: What Are You Doing To Me?_

_I can't believe I kissed her._

_I can't believe I kissed her._

_I can't believe I kissed her._

The words kept pushing through his head over and over like a sickening jingle as he sat in front of the television. What exactly had he been thinking? He was engaged. He shouldn't be going around doing things like that.

But when he saw her there with someone else, it infuriated him. It had all been so simple when she was in New York. He could just pretend that no other guy would touch her or taste her. He wouldn't have to witness it. It didn't exist.

Now seeing Jeff there with her ignited something inside of him that he hadn't felt in a long time. Not since high school when Casey had been dating Sam. Not since he had seen her with another guy.

The ride to Jeff's place had been entirely awkward. Jeff seemed too at ease, too calm and collected about the whole ordeal. Derek wanted to confront him about it. Ask him: Why Casey?

"Hey man, thanks for the ride," Jeff had said as he got out of the car, "Even though you were about, oh, three hours late."

Derek mumbled a response. Jeff grabbed his bag from the back seat and turned to Derek.

"Give me a call sometime over the holidays. We'll get together, have a drink," he said, then started to walk away, but at the last second paused and turned back, "And be sure to invite Casey along."

Derek didn't respond, just backed out of the driveway and took off. He had driven worse on the way home than he had on the way there. When he finally arrived, Jennifer was in a chatty mood. She wanted to talk all about her sister. She wanted to talk all about her.

He wasn't in the mood. He had taken a shower, fought off urges to think about Casey while nude, and came to sit in front of the television. There was a ball game on, and even though he never really took to anything besides hockey, he watched it anyway.

Jennifer went to sleep without saying a word. He didn't blame her. He was acting differently. She knew it. He knew it. He sighed.

The phone rang at around eleven. It was Nora.

"Hey Derek," she said, "How is everything?"

He relaxed, afraid that it was going to be Casey, "Fine."

"It's just that when you were over here earlier, you seemed kind of tense. On edge," Nora said, "You barely said a word to George and I."

He sighed, "I know. I'm sorry about that."

"Are you and Jennifer having troubles?" she asked.

"No, no. Nothing like that," he replied.

"Well, I won't pry. But I'm here if you need to talk, okay?"

"Thanks," he replied, "But it's nothing. I promise."

"Alright," she said, thought sounding doubtful, "Oh! Don't forget Emily and Sam's get together tomorrow night. Both you and Jennifer are invited."

"We'll be there," he replied, "Goodnight."

He hung up the phone, feeling slightly empty inside.

* * *

Nora went back into the living room where Casey was staring at the television. She seemed entranced by the infomercial that was playing over and over again. Nora went and sat beside her daughter on the sofa. The sudden presence of another being caused Casey to snap back to reality.

"Anything wrong sweetie?" Nora asked, pushing a strand of hair behind Casey's ear.

"No. Just tired," Casey lied.

"It's strange," Nora murmured to herself.

Casey turned to her mother, "What's strange?"

"Oh, nothing. I mean, it's just that you and Derek are both kind of out of it. Coincidence, I suppose," she replied.

"Yeah," Casey said, her tone turning quizzical, "What's wrong with Derek?"

"Oh, he didn't say. He was just like you. He insisted it was nothing," Nora teased, "You know, despite all of your differences, you two were always so similar."

Hoping her mother would just drop the subject, Casey picked up the remote and started flipping through the channels. Nora took her daughter's not-so-subtle hint, kissing Casey on the forehead before starting for her room.

"Don't forget that we're going to Emily and Sam's tomorrow night," Nora said, then tested the water, "Derek and Jennifer will be there as well."

"Hmm…" Casey murmured.

Nora managed a small smile, "Alright. Goodnight, honey."

Casey turned off the television and went to her room. Falling into bed, she pulled the covers around her and tried to hide herself away. Pressing a hand to her lips, she tried to remember what it had felt like to have Derek's lips on her own.

Why had he done it?

Childishly, she puckered her lips into the air. For a split second, she was able to imagine him there in front of her, his smooth lips touching her own. The feeling faded and she felt silly. She turned over and stared into the darkness until she finally fell asleep.

* * *

The moment Casey arrived, she knew that this whole thing would be a terrible mistake. There were playful holiday tunes playing loudly on the stereo. There was the smell of ginger cookies baking. The playful laugh of a baby. Sam and Emily's baby.

Everybody seemed so cheerful, so optimistic. She supposed she would be as well if she was married, a mother, and finally settled down. There were a ton of people there that she didn't recognize.

Emily was working the room, greeting and engaging in conversation with everybody. Casey couldn't help but admire her old friend. And Sam was relaxing in a recliner, chatting with a few other guys.

As soon as Emily spotted the family, she rushed over to greet them.

"Hey guys! Thanks for coming!" she exclaimed.

Nora handed her over the batch of cookies they had cooked earlier in the day, "These are for you."

"Oh, thank you!" Emily said, sounding sincere, "I'm going to go put these in the kitchen. Grab some punch!"

She hurried away, and they shed their coats, hanging them on one of the coat racks by the door. Casey glanced about the room. Everybody was smiling and having a great time. All she wanted was to have a great time, too.

But she kept thinking about how she would feel when Derek and Jennifer arrived. Would she hide away? Avoid them all night? And what would Derek do? Would he act like nothing had happened?

She shook her head, determined to rid herself of all thoughts of Derek. Smiling at a few strangers, she made her way to the table near the kitchen to grab some punch. Shakily, she grabbed the ladle and filled her cup.

"Hey, are you okay?" Emily asked, suddenly beside her.

Casey smiled at the genuine concern in her old friend's eyes, "Yes. I'm fine."

"Okay, good," Emily said excitedly, "A friend of mine is here, and I think he would be a great match for you!"

Emily gently nudged Casey in the ribs, an expectant look plastered on her face.

"I don't know…" Casey sighed.

"Well, I won't push you. But if you change your mind, he's the one over there in the blue shirt. See him? He's right there by the fireplace," Emily said, pointing exaggeratedly in the guy's direction.

Casey quickly grabbed Emily's arm, pushing it down. She shook her head, feeling embarrassed.

"Sorry," Emily blushed, "But seriously, I think you'd like him. Promise me you'll think about it."

"I promise," Casey said, "Now go mingle with your guests! Stop worrying about me."

"Okay," Emily said, then wiggled her eyebrows on second thought.

Casey laughed and turned back to fill her cup again. The red liquid dripped smooth down her throat. It relaxed her.

But as she turned around to find her mother again, she saw Derek at the front door.

And Jennifer was with him.

The tears were there, threatening to fall, but she took a deep breath and quickly swallowed her punch. Her mother was already greeting the engaged couple at the door, and when she caught Casey's eye, waved her over.

Before she knew what was happening, her feet were moving towards them. Her mind was screaming at her to turn around, just forget about this whole thing. But she went anyway.

"Casey! Oh wow, you look great!" Jennifer exclaimed as she joined the group.

"Thanks," Casey said, "So do you."

Jennifer gave Derek a knowing look, "Derek said I should wear the green top, but I assured him that I looked better in the blue. Blue is a Christmas color, isn't it? Anyway, thanks!"

Everybody smiled politely at her. Sam finally arose from the sofa and came to greet them. He and Derek shook hands, and he kissed Jennifer on the cheek. Casey felt her heart tug inside. She had missed out on so much.

As if drawn by some invisible force, Casey's eyes darted up to look at Derek quickly. But when she noticed he was staring at her intently, she couldn't pull her eyes away.

"Hey Casey," he said, his voice a little more husky than he had intended it to be.

"Hey," she replied, her bottom lip quivering.

The moment was over. Derek was drug away by Jennifer to go talk to some people across the room. Nora and George were already engaged in conversation with a few others. Casey scanned the room. She saw the guy that Emily had been talking about earlier. Glancing back over at Derek, she saw his arm around Jennifer's waist. He was smiling at something somebody had said.

Casey glanced back at Emily's coworker and took a deep breath. With all of the confidence she could muster, she strode over to him. When he saw her coming, he flashed her a big smile.

"I was beginning to think you weren't going to come talk to me," he said.

"Excuse me?" she said, taken aback.

"Well, Emily mentioned that you might come talk to me," he explained, "If you were interested. So, I guess I'm approved?"

Casey laughed, "For now."

He smiled, "I'm Justin."

"Casey," she replied, shaking his outstretched hand.

Her eyes automatically flashed across the room. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw Derek staring intently at her. She wavered for a moment, but focused her attention back on Justin.

"So, Justin," Casey began, "What do you do for a living?"

"I work with computers," he replied, "Not exactly glorious, but at least if my company ever goes under, I could apply for a job with the Geek Squad."

Casey laughed, her eyes quickly looking back at Derek. Some guy was saying something to him, but he was still watching her. She licked her lips.

"What about you?" Justin asked, "What do you do?"

"Advertising. I'm an account coordinator," she replied.

"Wow, big bucks there, huh?" Justin asked.

She shrugged sheepishly and looked at him innocently, "It pays the bills."

The third time she glanced over at Derek, she began to falter. When she placed her hand on Justin's arm, there was a flash of something in Derek's eyes. Casey smiled up at Justin.

"Will you excuse me?" she asked.

"Sure," he replied.

Casey crossed the room quickly and climbed the stairs. It was dark and empty on the second floor, but she managed to find the bathroom. She stood in front of the mirror and took a deep breath.

Derek was jealous.

There was no mistaking that look in his eyes. He was jealous. Just like he had been the previous night when he had seen her with Jeff. Casey felt horrible when she had to bite back a smile.

What was she doing? She couldn't be _elated _that an engaged man, her _stepbrother_, was jealous over her. But somehow, she was exactly that.

Composing herself, she opened the bathroom door and started out.

Derek was leaning against the wall. Inside, her whole body was trembling at the sight of him. She remained steady.

"It's all yours," she said, gesturing toward the bathroom.

"Thanks," he replied.

She started past him, towards the stairs, but he gently caught her arm. Instinctively, she glanced about. They were the only ones upstairs. She could hear the loud and incessant chatter of everybody downstairs. Bing Crosby was now crooning "White Christmas" throughout the house.

"Casey," he whispered.

When she glanced up to look at him, he was staring into her eyes. He was giving her that same hungry look he had given her last night right before he kissed her.

"We can't do this," she whispered.

He put a hand to her face, feeling her soft hair. She was sure her cheeks were glowing with color.

"I know," he replied.

He brushed his lips briefly against hers. Her eyes fluttered shut. Glancing toward the stairway, he pulled her closer.

"Derek, we can't do this," she whispered again.

Trying to pull away, he only tightened his grip. There was an eagerness in his eyes. He kept brushing her hair back, away from her face. She was growing warm all over.

"Casey, please," he whispered.

He finally pushed her hair off of her shoulder, exposing her neck. She felt bare and exposed. Derek bent to press his lips against her neck. It sent shivers up her spine. It was gentle at first, but after he tasted her again, he couldn't control himself.

He planted kisses up the side of her neck, hungrily tasting and sucking. She let out a soft breath as his lips finally made it up to her ear. She felt his hot breath there, could hear the desperation in his voice when he said,

"I want you, Casey. I need you."

He moved to face her, only spending a brief moment to look at her face before pulling her close. His lips glided over hers hurriedly, breathlessly. They stumbled backwards, knocking into a table. A vase of flowers fell over onto the hardwood floor. The glass smashed and water and daisies went everywhere.

They broke apart. There were footsteps on the stairs. Emily appeared first, followed by Jennifer, then Nora.

"What happened?" Emily asked.

"You know me," Casey said, "I was just admiring the pictures on the wall and bumped into the table. I'm really sorry."

Emily waved it off, "It's no problem. They were dying anyway, and I never really liked that vase."

Jennifer strode over to Derek, hooking her arm in his, "Are you okay, honey?"

"Yeah," he replied.

"Come on, let's go downstairs and get a drink," she said.

Casey watched as they disappeared downstairs. She turned to Emily.

"I'll clean this up," she said, bending to gingerly pick up the broken glass.

"Don't be silly. I'll just go get a broom and it'll be cleaned up in a second!" Emily replied, starting down the stairs.

Casey took a deep breath and stared at the broken pieces.

She had a feeling her heart was going to meet the same fate.


	9. Knowing That I'll Never Follow Through

**Author's Note:** _I sincerely apologize for the lack of updates. Summer Classes + New Job No Extra Time. Sorry this chapter's so short, but I think from now on I'll start posting more chapters that are just shorter than normal! Hope you enjoy!_

* * *

_Part Nine: Knowing That I'll Never Follow Through_

The next day was Christmas Eve. Derek and Jennifer were going to her family's house for the day, missing out on all of the festivities at the MacDonald-Venturi house. Derek wished he could go home, alone and without Jennifer, and spend time with his family. Of course, there was another reason why he wanted to go.

Casey. He wondered why he had avoided seeing her all of those years she came home for the holidays. His entire body stiffened when he realized the horrible mistake he was making. He would be hurting Jennifer. He would be hurting his family. He was hurting Casey.

Derek knew that he would never follow through. It was there, in the back of his brain, the thought of giving it all up for her. Of taking her away from Jeff or Mr. Blue Sweater at the party. It was all a nice idea.

But she was his s_tepsister._

How would his family react?

How would Jennifer react when she knew that he had been cheating on her?

"Hey baby, are you ready to go?" Jennifer asked, securing an earring.

"Yeah," Derek replied absently.

She came up behind him and wrapped her arms around him. She breathed in his scent. He smelled so nice.

"What's wrong?" she asked, "You've been so strange lately. Is it the stress of being engaged?"

She planted soft kisses on his neck. Derek couldn't figure out why it almost made him cringe. Because, he was sure that at some point he hadn't cringed. He had wanted her. He had wanted her so much that he had asked her to marry him.

"Nothing," he replied.

"It's the holidays. You should be relaxing," she said, walking around him so they were face-to-face.

"And I am!" he said, trying to sound chipper.

"You know…" she said thoughtfully, "You didn't start acting strange until Carrie came home."

Derek looked at her, confused, "Carrie?"

"You know…your sister," Jennifer said, straightening his tie.

Derek faltered for a moment, "Her name's Casey."

"Well, whatever," Jennifer said, "She hasn't been around. Is she ashamed of the family?"

"She comes home. I just never went…" Derek drifted, "Listen. This has nothing to do with Casey. We're going to have a great time today, okay?"

He kissed her on the forehead, and then went to grab his wallet and watch from the bedroom.

When he emerged, she was standing there with her arms crossed. He let out an audible sigh.

"You can sigh all you want," Jennifer said, "But I'm tired of you hiding things from me. What's going on Derek?"

"Nothing's going on," he replied, "I told you that already! The holidays always stress me out. Ask anybody in my family."

She regarded him cautiously, doubtfully, "Maybe I will. I just don't want to feel like we're keeping secrets. We're engaged, Derek! Engaged to be married. _You_ asked _me_, remember? Are you having doubts?"

He laughed bitterly, "No. No doubts."

"I'm going to my parents'," she said, turning on her heels and grabbing her purse off of the kitchen counter.

"Jennifer, what are you doing?" Derek asked tiredly.

He was used to tirades like this. It was only a month after they'd been together that she angrily stormed out of a party, convinced that he wasn't paying enough attention to her. If she felt like she wasn't getting her way, she snapped.

"I'm leaving. When you want to tell me what's going on, then come on over," she said.

"What do you mean, _you're leaving_?" Derek asked.

"I mean, I'm going to my parents', and I'm not coming back until you can tell me what's going on," she replied, as if it were the simplest thing in the world.

As if she could make him crumble. As if her threatening to leave would mean that his world was walking out the door.

"Well, I guess I won't see you again," Derek said, grabbing his car keys and striding past her, out the door, "Because there's nothing wrong."

He left before she had a chance to say anything else. And he drove straight home.

* * *

Derek heard the laughter before he even opened the front door. It was Casey's laughter. That sweet, pure laugh that he hated when the MacDonalds first moved in. And then somewhere right before she was supposed to leave for New York, he had grown to love that laugh.

But there it was, right on the other side of the door. Without knocking, he slowly swung open the door. Everybody was seated around the table.

"Hey Derek," George said, surprised, "What are you doing here?"

Derek closed the door behind him, "Don't sound too happy."

"No, it's just that we thought you were going to Jennifer's parent's house tonight," Nora spoke up.

"Is everything okay?" George asked.

"Yeah," Derek replied, shrugging off his coat and hanging it up.

"Do you want to play Clue?" Marti asked.

"I'll play the next game," he replied.

There was one empty seat next to Casey. It would seem so natural for him to go sit in it. Nobody would think anything of it. His dad. Nora. The kids. But for some reason, the anticipation of the simple act of sitting was almost too much to bear.

But somehow he sat beside her.

He noticed that she squirmed, trying to scoot her chair away from him. Nobody noticed this however, because all eyes were on him.

"If you don't want to talk about it, that's okay," George said.

"Did you and Jennifer fight?" Marti asked.

Derek smiled, "We're just taking a break right now. So, who's going to win?"

"Me!" Marti chirped.

Derek couldn't remember the last time he had played a board game with his family. Even in high school, he had shied away from any kind of family activity. The sound of rolling dice brought him back to reality.

"Who's ready for Santa?" Derek asked.

"Santa's not real!" Marti exclaimed.

"Oh?" he glanced over at Nora and George.

"We had the talk a few weeks ago," George shrugged, "It's a shame. I believed in Santa until I was…well, never mind."

All of the kids exchanged knowing glances, and Edwin finally spoke up, "Come on, dad. How long was it?"

"It's no big deal," George replied, "Let's get back to the game."

"He was fourteen," Nora said, and when George shot her a playful glare she continued, "Well, you were."

Derek glanced over at Casey, saw her scorecard in her hand and leaned over, "Let me see your card."

She was unable to breathe, so she just relented. His face was inches from hers as his eyes scanned over her card. She almost died when he cupped his hand around his mouth and leaned toward her ear.

"I need to talk to you," he whispered.

If she had been standing, her knees would have given out. She would be on the floor, unable to maintain any kind of balance.

"Are you helping Casey?" Nora teased.

"Well, you know Casey," Derek smiled, "She's always needed my help."

Casey laughed nervously, but nobody was really paying attention. She jumped when she felt Derek's hand on her thigh. His fingers gripped her slightly, and she felt the heat through her jeans.

"It's your turn, Casey," Nora said.

"Huh?" she snapped her head to the board, "Oh yeah."

She saw Derek smirk out of the corner of her eye as she picked up the dice, rolling it quickly and moving her piece. His hand gently roamed up and down her thigh. Each time, he came closer and closer to the top of the inside of her leg, his fingertips making her grow warm. As everybody else played the game, Casey found her hips lifting slightly upward, sort of begging him to touch her there.

"Excuse me," she finally choked out, putting her scorecard on the table, "I have to go to bathroom."

"The game's over," Marti pointed out.

Indeed, George was collecting all of the pieces and putting the board away. Casey smiled, shrugged, and stood up quickly. She climbed the stairs and went into the bathroom, splashing a handful of cold water onto her face.

"He's fighting with Jennifer," she whispered to herself in the mirror, "That's the only reason he's here."

She grabbed a hand towel and dabbed at her face.

"When he can't have her, he comes to you," she reminded herself.

But when the bathroom door opened and he was there, she couldn't think of a single reason why she should resist. Except he was making no movement towards her. He just slowly closed the door behind him and leaned back against it.

"I don't know why I want you, but I do," he said, "And I need to tell you something. Remember that day in the airport? When you were leaving for New York?"

She nodded.

"Well," he continued, "I was going to tell you that day that I didn't want you to go. I was going to tell you that I had started to feel something for you."

Casey felt her insides twist. She whispered, "Why didn't you?"

"I don't know," he sighed, leaning against the counter and crossing his arms, "I didn't think you would care. We hated each other for so long. I took you for granted. I always thought you would be there to tease. And then when I found out you were leaving, I felt differently."

"What are you trying to say?" Casey asked, "I mean, you're engaged, Derek. You had four years to tell me this and you didn't. Instead, you went off and fell in love with somebody else."

"I didn't think I would see you again," he said, "I didn't think you would want to see me again."

"Derek, this was just a thing," Casey said, "That shouldn't have happened. I mean, maybe a long time ago you actually did feel something for me. But everything's different now."

"So you never felt anything for me?" Derek asked.

"You're engaged," Casey replied.

"Would you stop saying that?" he replied angrily, "You keep saying that, but you won't say anything else."

"I don't know what to say! I tell you that I do have feeling for you, and I break up your engagement. I say that I don't, and I'm lying," Casey exclaimed, "I don't know what to do, Derek. I don't have all of the answers."

Derek was quiet for a moment, and Casey realized the horrible mistake that she had just made.

_I just admitted I have feelings for him,_ she thought,_ Oh my God. He's my stepbrother. What am I doing?_

"That's all I wanted to hear," he replied, opening the door and sneaking outside.


	10. I Have Always

_Part Ten: I Have Always_

"You're welcome to stay the night," Nora told Derek after he came back downstairs.

There was a pillow and blankets on the sofa. He smiled wearily, tiredly plopping down beside them. Nora pursed her lips, going to sit beside him. She gently patted his knee.

"Do you want to talk about what happened between you and Jennifer?" she asked cautiously.

Derek sighed, slouching back against the sofa, "I just don't know what's going on."

"Did she leave?" Nora asked.

He shrugged, "She says I've been acting weird. Things have been really strange between us lately."

"I noticed a little tension between you two at Emily's. It's normal for things to get a little weird during an engagement," Nora replied, "You begin to wonder if this person's the right one for you. You start asking yourself, is this really who I want to spend the rest of my life with?"

"I guess it's something a little bit more than that," Derek said.

But Nora continued without thought, "You start noticing all of the little imperfections about them. The way they sing off key in the shower. The way they chew with their mouth open. But overall, it's whether or not you truly love them that matters."

"I know everybody has flaws," Derek said, trying to get the words out, "But I think that I may have fallen out of love with her. Is that possible?"

"Well, I think loving someone and being in love are two different things," Nora said after a moment of pondering, "You'll probably always love Jennifer, but never be in love with her."

"Is that normal?" Derek asked.

Nora smiled, "If you didn't make a few mistakes, you'd never know what the real thing felt like. I hope you find it one day."

"I think I already have," he replied.

Nora was taken aback momentarily, "Oh?"

Derek froze. He hadn't meant to be so candid. There was just never really anyone to talk to about these things. He yawned stiffly, stretching his arms out and grabbing the pillow beside him.

"I'm tired," he said, "And I'm sure we'll be getting up early."

"All right," Nora said, patting his knee again, "Goodnight. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," Derek replied.

He waited until she disappeared downstairs before he laid his blankets out on the sofa. Grabbing the remote, he began to flip through the channels as he tried to go to sleep. But the sofa felt unusually stiff, his pillow uncomfortable on both sides.

The blinking lights of the Christmas tree should be softly lolling him to sleep. Green. Red. White. Green. Red. White. He looked under the tree and saw all of the presents. He thought about all of the presents for his family he had bought and left at his apartment. He would have to get up early and drive to get them.

He thought about Jennifer for a second. What was she doing? She was probably telling her family what a horrible person he was. He had to admit that he had been pretty terrible to her lately. But there was only one person he could think about. The girl he'd known since adolescence.

The girl he was crawling off the sofa to go see. Before his mind could convince him otherwise, he was already halfway up the stairs. Creeping past his old bedroom where Edwin now slept, he stopped at her door. That same door that he had pressed his ear to the night before she left four years ago, just wanting to hear her breathe.

Derek was doing the exact same thing now. All he heard was silence. He thought that maybe he could crack the door open just slightly and catch a glimpse of her. Gripping the knob, he slowly turned it, pushing the door forward ever so slightly.

He nearly jumped when it creaked. Silently cursing himself, he started to slowly shut it again when he heard her voice.

"You can come in," she said softly.

At first, he thought he was hallucinating. All of the holiday cheer had gotten to his head. But then she was there at the door in front of him. Her hair was slightly messy from laying on it, but she looked beautiful nonetheless.

He shut the door behind him when he was inside. She climbed back into bed, sitting with her back against the headboard, the covers pulled up over her knees. He stood there awkwardly for a moment.

"I heard what you said," she whispered.

Speechless, all he could do was mumble, "Huh?"

"About being in love with somebody," she clarified.

"Oh," he said, thankful that she couldn't see his blushing face in the dark, "You heard that?"

"Is it me?" she asked.

"You know it is," he replied.

Closing her eyes, she gently rested her head back against the wall. He could barely make her out there, her fragile form looking small and meek there in the bed.

"We can't do this," she said.

"You've already told me that a dozen times," he said, laughing slightly, "But I can't help it. I can't help but be in love with you, Casey. I've loved you since we were teenagers. I know it's weird. I know that. I just can't help it."

"I don't know what to do," she whispered.

He heard her voice crack. Upon impulse he went to the bed and sat awkwardly on the edge. Gently reaching up, he wiped away the tears that were steadily falling. His gesture made her sob even harder. Pulling her into his arms, he let her cry there into his chest.

He could feel the salty tears soaking through his shirt. She tried to cry quietly, gasping softly for breath. He stroked her hair, then gently put his fingers under her chin, tilting her head up so she would look at him.

Casey, self-conscious, wiped at her eyes and nose. She hated the way she looked when she was crying. She didn't look dainty like most girls. Her face turned red and splotchy. Her nose turned a bright pink and ran like a faucet.

But for some reason, Derek brought his lips to hers anyway. Capturing her lips sweetly, she felt him trembling. It was the sweetest kiss she had ever experienced. He tried to awkwardly pull her closer, but she was tangled in the sheets. Breaking away for a moment, she pushed the sheets off and placed a knee on either side of him, straddling him.

Derek placed his hands on her face, kissing her again. If all he could do was kiss her for the rest of his life, he would be a happy man. But here she was, gripping the edge of his shirt and pulling it over his head.

"Casey," he whispered, now half-nude, his whole body shaking.

"I know," she replied, planting soft kisses on his neck, "This is crazy."

He gripped her shoulders and pushed her back, "Edwin is sleeping right next door. My father and your mother are downstairs."

"You're right, this is stupid," she replied, tucking her hair behind her ear and climbing off of him.

"I don't want to rush this," he said.

She stifled a laugh.

"What?" he asked defensively, "What's so funny?"

"I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't be laughing. It's just that…you've never struck me as the type to take things slow."

He was slightly hurt by her words, and she sensed this. Grabbing his hand, she gently ran her thumb over his skin.

"I mean, in high school you were always involved with so many girls," she said, "I figured that by now you'd been with a lot of girls."

"I've only slept with one person, Case," he said, "I can't change that. I wish that it had been you."

Casey smiled slightly. She knew that he had slept with Jennifer. The first moment she had seen them together, she had sensed that he had been with her. But then, why did it hurt so much inside?

"What about you?" he asked quietly, "Have you ever been with anybody?"

"It's getting late," she replied, "And Marti's going to be waking everybody up at the crack of dawn. You'd better get some rest."

"What? You've been with so many guys that you can't remember them all?" Derek asked, his heart racing, "Come on, Casey. We're adults here. Put your cards on the table."

"_I_ haven't slept with anybody," she replied, her voice slightly angry, "_I_ was waiting for the right person."

"What are you trying to say? Listen, I'm not the one that ran away for four years," he said, now standing, grabbing his shirt off the floor and tugging it back on.

"Yeah, but you never came after me," she retorted.

"I made a mistake when I asked Jennifer to marry me," Derek said softly, "But it didn't seem like a mistake at the time. Don't punish me for this. Not now."

She shrugged, wiping at her eyes, "Merry Christmas, Derek."

Crawling under the covers, she laid down so her back was to him. She heard as he opened the door.

"I've never loved anybody as much as I've loved you, Case," he whispered, "No matter how much we fought, even now, I have always loved you."

He left, shutting the door behind him, and she laid in bed until Marti came to wake her up the next morning.


	11. This Is How It Should Be

_Part Eleven: This Is How It Should Be_

"Casey! Look what I got!" Marti exclaimed, showing her big sister the new doll she had gotten.

"That's great! She'll look good with your other dolls," Casey smiled.

She felt pathetic inside. She felt giddy inside. She felt lonely. Derek hadn't stayed the night. Instead, there were a pile of gifts by the tree that were from him, and he was gone.

"Casey, aren't you going to open any of your gifts?" Nora interrupted her thoughts.

"Of course!" she said, feigning a smile.

Grabbing a gift to her that was from Lizzie, she slowly, almost methodically opened it. She should be more excited. She was with her family on Christmas. A lot of people would be happy to be in her place.

But she couldn't shake that terrible feeling inside of her that she was in love with her stepbrother.

Sure, she had always felt something for him. That flutter in her stomach when they fought as teenagers. That faintness of heart that surprised her when they kissed. But love? Her stepbrother? On this Christmas day, it was almost too much.

Casey pulled out the striped scarf and smiled at Lizzie, "This is great! I needed a new scarf."

Lizzie smiled back, "I was hoping you would like it."

Suddenly, Edwin exclaimed, "Cool! A telescope! I've always wanted one."

Nora and George exchanged knowing glances, "Just promise us that you won't spy on the neighbors."

Edwin smiled mischievously, just like his older brother, "No promises."

Casey's heart tugged. She missed Derek. She recalled the words he had told her last night.

_I have always loved you._

There was nobody in the world that could say that to her. It was exhilarating. But it was also frightening.

"Casey, do you want some hot chocolate?" Nora asked.

She snapped back to reality. There was wrapping paper and bows and presents all over the place. She smiled and nodded.

Nora disappeared into the kitchen. Edwin was already up in his room, trying to assemble his new gift. Lizzie was trying on some of her new clothes. Marti was busy trying to find a place for her new doll among all of her old ones. George was in the garage, trying to find a project he could do with his new tools.

Casey stood up lazily and collected the crumpled wrapping paper. She hadn't gotten a gift from Derek at all. But, she supposed that the words he had said to her the previous night were her gift.

Moving to the kitchen, she tossed all of the paper into the garbage. Nora came over to her and handed her a cup of hot chocolate. Casey took a sip.

"Mmm…thanks," Casey said, letting the warm liquid soother her throat.

"So, are you ready to talk?" Nora asked, leaning back against the counter.

"What are you talking about?" Casey asked nervously, taking another sip.

As if bringing the cup to her lips meant that she could no longer talk. She couldn't drink forever. The hot chocolate would eventual run out on her, deceiving her, and she would have to talk.

"About Derek," Nora replied.

"What about Derek?" she asked between sips.

"Oh, I don't know," Nora said smugly, "Maybe about the fact that you two are in love with each other."

Hot chocolate spurted from her lips, spraying out onto the counter. Coughing slightly, Casey put her mug down and turned to the sink. She gripped the edge of the counter, her hands trembling.

Nora put her mug down, grabbing a towel and wiping up her daughter's mess. She then went to Casey and pulled her into a hug. Casey cried softly into her shoulder.

"Shh…" her mother said soothingly, patting her daughter's hair, "Casey, it's okay. Nothing to cry about."

"I can't help it," Casey whispered between sobs, "I shouldn't love him, but I do."

Nora placed her hands on Casey's shoulders, pulling her away. Casey wiped at her eyes and stood meekly in front of her mother.

"Sometimes we can't help who we love," Nora replied.

Casey sniffled, "How did you know?"

Nora laughed, "Oh, honey. George and I have suspected for years. The way you two fought in high school. How you avoided each other whenever you came home. Casey, it was anything but subtle."

Nora walked to the counter and pulled a paper towel off of the roll. She handed it to Casey, looking at her daughter's bright red face before hugging her again.

"You're not mad?" Casey asked.

"Why would I be mad?" Nora replied before pulling away and grabbing her mug.

"Don't you think it's weird? Just a little strange?" Casey asked, "He's my stepbrother, mom."

Nora shrugged, "I'm not going to lie, it is a little bit awkward. But not because it's strange. When George and I met, we never thought that you two would fall in love. But, Casey, you two aren't related. Not at all."

"People will think we're freaks," Casey said bitterly, crossing her arms.

"Let people think what they'll think," Nora said, "Nobody in this house will ever think that. I almost want to apologize for marrying George and causing this trouble for you."

Casey smiled, "Then I never would have met Derek."

"You're right," Nora relented, "And George is a pretty great guy, huh?"

"Yeah, mom," Casey said.

"You should probably go see Derek," Nora said.

Casey shook her head, "I don't think so. Not now."

"If not now, when?" her mother replied.

And as always, her mother was right. And as always, her mother was being way understanding. This whole situation was surreal. Her and Derek. Her mom suspecting all along. All of this going down on Christmas Day.

"Go get dressed," Nora said.

Casey hugged her mom tightly, "Thanks mom."

She hurried upstairs and slipped on some clothes. Wrapping her new scarf tightly about her neck, she nervously stuffed her hands into a warm pair of gloves. Lizzie came into her room, crossing her arms and leaning against the door frame.

"Going somewhere?" she asked.

Casey jumped, turning from the mirror to face her little sister. She smiled meekly.

"I am," she replied, "Do you like the scarf on me?"

Lizzie shrugged, then smiled, "I'm sure Derek will like it."

Casey's mouth drooped open, looking startled. Lizzie just laughed and plopped down on Casey's bed.

"What? Don't act surprised," she said, "Everybody in this house knows that there has always been something between you two. Even when Sam was in the picture years ago. Even when Jennifer was in the picture."

"Jennifer still is in the picture," Casey pointed out, figuring it useless to protest that anybody ever really suspected anything.

"Derek doesn't love Jennifer," Lizzie said, "Remember when I told you that I didn't really like her? That there was something off about her?"

Casey nodded.

"Well," Lizzie continued, "I figured out what it was."

"What?" Casey asked.

"He didn't really love her," she said, "Not the way he's always loved you."

The whole day was becoming more and more surreal. She had thought that it could never get stranger than last night with Derek's passionate confession. Then again, when she came home for the holidays with the news of his engagement, she never thought she would be kissing Derek days later.

"Now, you need to go!" Lizzie said, standing up and gently pushing her sister out of the bedroom, "Go to him, Juliet!"

Casey rolled her eyes, "I'm going!"

When she came downstairs, everybody was already standing there. Her mom, George, Edwin, and Marti. They came to her, hugging her all at once. Tears formed in her eyes.

"Guys…" she said, pulling away, "You're going to make me cry."

"What's new?" Edwin said jokingly.

George smacked him lightly on the back of the head. Edwin pretended to be sore, rubbing his hair astray.

"Bye, sweetie," Nora said.

Casey smiled wanly, grabbing her keys off of the table and leaving before she lost the courage.

* * *

When she pulled up to Derek's apartment building, Casey nearly decided to turn back around and forget about the whole thing. It was crazy what she was doing. She knew that. But, if she had come this far—nearly seven years—then there was no turning back now.

Climbing out of the car, she was enveloped by the harsh cold, stomping through the ice and snow. Reaching the door, she swung it open fiercely and stepped inside. She let out the breath she had been holding, knocking the slush off of her shoes. Going to the elevator, she reached for the button, but the doors opened before she could push it.

Jennifer came out.

"Oh, hey," Casey said.

_He lied,_ she thought,_ Derek lied to me. _

She thought that they had separated. Jennifer was supposed to be out of his life. Casey's heart stopped when she thought that she had missed her chance. Maybe last night when she had turned her back to him, he had decided to go back to Jennifer.

"Hey," Jennifer said, her voice even but not harsh.

"Is Derek up there?" Casey asked.

Jennifer nodded, "He's there."

Casey couldn't help but notice the waver in Jennifer's voice. There was a tiredness in her eyes. The tip of her nose also looked red.

"I don't mean to pry," Casey said, "But is everything okay?"

Jennifer laughed, "I guess. Besides the fact that my fiancée isn't my fiancée anymore."

While Casey's heart raced, a feeling of elation filling up inside of her, she outwardly tried to appear disappointed. She frowned.

"I'm sorry," she said.

The doors to the elevator began to close, but she reached out and pushed them open again.

"He's in love with you, you know," Jennifer said.

_How many people had figured this out before Derek and I even did? _Casey thought, thrown by Jennifer's words.

"Excuse me?" Casey couldn't help but say.

"I have to admit, it's a little weird, you two being stepsiblings," Jennifer said, "But, there's nothing wrong with it. Plus, you seem like a really nice person."

"I had no idea that this was going to happen," Casey admitted, catching the elevator doors before they shut again.

Jennifer managed a smile, "Neither did he. Everybody else did, though."

"You must hate me," Casey said.

Jennifer shrugged her purse higher onto her shoulder and shook her head, "No, I don't hate you. I thought that I had his heart first, but I was wrong. You've had it all along."

Without another word, Jennifer just smiled and turned for the door. Casey finally stepped into the elevator, letting the doors close this time.

* * *

When Derek heard a knock at the door, he figured it was Jennifer again. Maybe she had left something. She would probably be unpacking her things over the next few days, discovering that she had left a lot of things here.

But when he opened the door, he was surprised to find Casey standing there.

"Casey? What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Doing what I should've done a long time ago," she replied, "I shouldn't have shied away from you last night."

"You don't have to apologize," he said, thoughtlessly.

She took a breath and continued, "All of this has really just caught me off guard."

"I mean, this is a little weird," he continued, "I understand if you don't want this."

_Is he even listening to me?_

Frustrated, Casey stepped forward, wrapping her arms around his neck before kissing him. Stunned, all he could do was kiss her back. Shutting the door, he rocked her backwards against it.

"I love you, Derek," Casey managed between kisses, "I should've told you sooner, but I-"

He silenced her, spreading his mouth over hers, slipping his tongue into her mouth. She groaned, feeling his hands on her waist, her hips, in her hair. He unraveled the scarf from her neck, tossing it to the floor. He pressed hot kisses on her now exposed neck. She tasted so good.

Pushing her coat off of her shoulders, Derek slid his hand under her shirt, running his fingertips against her stomach, feeling her jump and flinch as he moved his fingers to her bare back. With the other hand, he fumbled to unbutton the shirt, finally pulling it off. Swiftly, in one motion, he pulled his own shirt off.

She pressed against him, feeling skin on skin. He tried to pull her closer, stumbling them backwards. They moved towards the bedroom. Derek reached for the knob, but she stopped him.

"Derek," she said.

He heard the uncertainty in her voice, "What? What's wrong?"

He placed a hand on her face, his thumb gently stroking her cheek, trying to search her eyes for a hint of what was wrong.

"I won't be your first," she whispered.

Bending to capture her lips gently with his, he smiled down at her, "You'll always be my first."

Casey pulled him close, opening the door herself before they stumbled inside.

_The End_

* * *

_Thanks to everyone who has been reading! I truly appreciate all of your positive feedback. When I started writing Life With Derek fics, I never dreamed I would get such an immense response. I know that this seems like an abrupt ending, but I truly have been so busy. I felt that it would be better to conclude the story instead of neglecting to update. I'll be writing more LWD fics as soon as I can. Thanks again!_


End file.
